Irrevocable
by Junebugsm
Summary: Lena cheats on Stef on a weekend away for a school conference. This story is the struggle they go through to move past it.
1. Chapter 1

**Lena cheats on Stef on a weekend away for a school conference. This story is the struggle they go through to move past it.**

(A request by Fostersfanaticcc1 - who has also written a story with the same theme. Takes place instead of the camping trip in **Girl's Reunited** and **Leaky Faucets**.)

* * *

><p><em>"Lena." Lena said as she extended her hand to the woman who had just introduced herself as Kate.<em>

_"Nice to meet you Lena." Kate said smiling. "What brings you to San Francisco?" She asked._

_"Work." Lena sighed tiredly. She had just driven for more than seven hours to get to San Francisco for a conference for all heads of the education department of California. Since Monty was currently very new to the education system she had suggested that Lena go instead and Stef had thought it was a good idea - giving Lena some time away to take her mind off Frankie. She was now sitting in a noisy little cafe across the street from her hotel and staring into a rather unhealthy looking salad._

_"What do you do?" Kate asked, trying desperately to engage the beautiful woman in some conversation._

_"I'm the Vice Principal of a school in San Diego." Lena explained. "There's a conference at the Ritz-Carlton."_

_"Fancy." Kate said impressed. She was working long hours for minimum wage as a secretary to two-bit law firm that rarely ever won a case._

_"Yes." Lena said dejectedly. "Though I wish they'd use that money towards school programs instead. They keep saying that they can't afford to fund the music and arts programs but always find the money to stay at places like the Ritz." Lena complained, not realizing that she was basically venting to a complete stranger._

_"You sound like a very dedicated Vice Principal." Kate said, slightly amused._

_"Sorry." Lena said. "We just had budget cuts and had to cut both those programs along with quite a few of the sports programs as well and our school isn't taking it well."_

_"Good thing they've got you here to fight for them." Kate said._

_Lena turned to the younger woman and really looked at her for the first time. She was definitely a beautiful woman with ivory skin and dark brown, wavy hair but too much makeup and a dress that was just a little too tight. The smile on her face and the twinkle in her eye told Lena that the woman was flirting with her._

_Lena's thoughts instantly went to Stef, the only woman she ever had eyes for and suddenly she missed her. She missed her strong arms around her, her whispered 'I love you's' and her frequent kisses. But as Lena thought about it she realized that she didn't just miss it today, since she'd left for San Francisco, she'd been missing it for two months now - ever since they lost their daughter. Something had come between them that suddenly made Lena feel like they'd been hundreds of miles apart for ages._

_Lena knew that it wasn't really true but that's how she felt. Between losing Frankie, Brandon's confession about Dani, Callie's struggle to fit into two families and Mariana's search for her own identity things had drifted for Stef and Lena._

_She turned back to the woman who was still smiling at her, making her feel like an actual woman for the first time in months and without really thinking things through she smiled back - an equally suggestive smile that led to a night that she would later regret tremendously._

* * *

><p>Lena sat in her office, staring at a piece of paper for over twenty minutes but she still had no idea what the paper said. She couldn't get her mind off the huge mistake she'd made almost three weeks ago. In that moment she had let go of Lena the wife, Lena the mom, Lena the grieving woman and just been Lena. She hadn't told Kate that she was married and had a family, she hadn't told her that she'd recently lost a daughter, she hadn't even given her a last name but she had slept with her and cheated on Stef, something she never ever imagined herself doing.<p>

"Hi Love." Stef dragged Lena out of her thoughts. "I brought lunch."

"Good, I'm starved." Lena said, smiling and hoping that her face wouldn't give away what she'd just been thinking. She had decided on her drive back home not to tell Stef about Kate. It was a one-time thing that would never happen again and there was no reason to hurt Stef so much with something so insignificant.

"You always say that." Stef laughed as she pulled out a box of fried chicken and fries and another of potato salad. "But then you eat three bites and you're full."

"I eat more than three bites." Lena laughed as she spooned some salad and grabbed some chicken and fries for a plate for herself, leaving more than half of it for Stef. "I just don't eat as much as you."

"Hey now." Stef said, forging offense. "I run around all day, I get to be hungry." Though she was pretending, the playful smile never left her face.

Lena smiled back at Stef as she watched her take a bite of chicken. This was what she loved and what she wanted and nothing else. She knew she'd made the right decision by not telling Stef what she'd done. What she didn't know couldn't hurt her.

"Come on, let's go." Stef bellowed up the stairs when none of the four kids were ready at the door at the time she'd given them. "We don't want to be late."

"Okay, this was fun when he first started out but now watching Jesus tackle some guy to the ground is growing old." Mariana complained and she came down the stairs.

"I agree." Callie added. "It's not like anything ever changes."

"Hey now." Stef chastised. "That's no way to be supportive. Your brother's working really hard."

"He is and he deserves our support." Lena added. "He's worked hard to get his ADHD under control and we are all going to be there for him."

"And it's Saturday. Since when do we have school stuff on Saturdays?" Mariana continued, ignoring what her mothers had just said.

"With only one gym we now have to spread things out over Saturdays as well." Lena explained with a sigh. None of the staff had been pleased with that either but they had to support all the clubs and this seemed to be the only way.

"I'm in." Jude said with a smile.

"Kiss ass." Brandon teased him, pulling him back by his belt loop.

"Everybody in the car now." Stef ordered, glaring at Brandon and giving each of the older ones a whack on the butt and Jude a kiss on the head.

"That's why I kiss up." Jude teased back with a grin.

Lena couldn't help but smile at her family. They had all grown so close and Callie and Jude had fit right in. She was glad that they all treated each other just like any other siblings would.

"God they drive me nuts." Stef mumbled to Lena as she shut the front door.

"True, but you love it." Lena pointed out teasingly.

"I do." Stef agreed as the pair climbed into the car to head to the school where their middle son was already practicing for his match.

* * *

><p>"You guys go on ahead and I'll join you in a bit." Lena said as they entered the gym. She walked off to talk to some of the teachers while the rest of her family found a spot on the stands.<p>

"There aren't that many people here." Brandon said, taking a seat.

"Because it's Saturday." Mariana pointed out.

"All the more reason for us to support your brother." Stef said. "How would you like to dance with no audience, Miss Thing?" She asked.

"At least every dance is different." Mariana grumbled. "Here I feel like I'm watching the exact same thing time after time."

"At least we get to go out for a family lunch after this." Brandon pointed out optimistically.

"Look, this is important to your brother, alright." Stef said, watching as the two teams started walking into the gym. "If you can't count on your own family to support you then you really have nothing."

None of the kids argued. There was nothing they could say to their mother – she was right and especially in this family they knew how important it was to feel accepted and loved.

Soon cheering and clapping filled the gym as the coach announced the first two wrestlers, distracting the family from their arguments. Lena also headed towards the stands to her family but someone calling her name made her turn around.

* * *

><p>Kate stood a few feet away from Lena, a huge smile on her face but Lena could only stand and stare back at her, her mouth open, unable to do or say anything.<p>

"Surprised?" Kate asked, walking closer to Lena.

Lena quickly turned to see whether Stef was watching her or not but the blond was busy cheering for the Anchor Beach wrestler, just like everyone else around them – she had not reason to be keeping an eye on Lena and Lena knew it was just her guilty conscience that was making her so paranoid.

"Didn't expect to see me here did you?" Kate teased at Lena's shocked face, bringing her back to reality.

"What are you doing here? How did you find me?" Lena asked, her heart pounding hard in her chest.

"I quit my job." Kate said proudly. "I just couldn't take it any more so I thought I'd come down and surprise you and I just looked up the list of Vice Principals in San Diego schools and you were the only Lena." She explained, though her excitement died a little when she noticed that Lena still didn't look happy.

"I'm surprised alright." Lena admitted, still with a frown on her face. She regretted ever giving Kate her real name and where she'd come from, but more than that she regretted ever sleeping with the woman at all. Sudden cheering caused them both to turn and see that Anchor Beach was in the lead after the first round. "I should get back. I need to be there." Lena said quickly, hoping that Kate would just leave it at that and leave.

"I can wait." Kate said, realizing that Lena may not have been free to just drop everything because she showed up.

Lena thought for a moment, wondering if she could just get this over with while Stef was busy watching the game, though she knew that wouldn't be fair to Jesus. "Um, okay." Lena finally said, realizing that she'd have to just skip lunch and finish this conversation. "I'll meet you after the match, my office is down the first hallway on the right. You can't miss it."

"Okay, I'll see you then." Kate said happily before she turned and walked away, leaving Lena to head towards her family.

* * *

><p>"You're just in time." Stef said as Lena took a seat beside her. "Jesus' up next."<p>

Stef was smiling at the two boys in the center of the gym, completely oblivious to Lena's thoughts.

"Oh good." Lena said robotically, though she couldn't focus on the match – not even when Jesus was up and won.

"You okay love?" Stef asked when Lena failed to even clap when Jesus earned seven points for his team, putting them in the lead.

"Yes." Lena said, pulling herself out of her daze. "Sorry, I'm just thinking."

"Everything okay?" Stef asked, concerned. She wondered if this had something to do with Lena going to talk to the teachers before the match - up until then she had seemed fine.

"Yes, it's just that I can't make it to lunch after this." Lena said. "I have a quick meeting but I can't put it off."

Stef could hear the remorse in Lena's voice and she felt bad for her. It wasn't often that Lena had to cancel plans for work - that was more Stef's job description. "It's okay love." She said. "We can maybe do dinner or just wait and do a late lunch."

"No." Lena said quickly. "The kids were looking forward to it, just go and have lunch and I'll meet you back home later."

"Are you sure?" Stef asked.

"Yes, this way you can go to one of those greasy places that you all love and I won't even enter." She tried to tease, hoping to convince Stef to continue with their plans. The last thing she wanted was for Stef to wait around for her or come back to pick her up.

"Okay." Stef finally said, grinning back at the thought. "We'll bring you back a nice greasy chicken and egg roll." She teased.

"Sounds great." Lena said with a half-hearted smile. Her thoughts were still focused on how to get this conversation with Kate over before Stef found out what happened.

* * *

><p>"You were great." The kids said as Jesus met them at the stands. "No one scored as many points as you."<p>

"Thanks." Jesus said smiling. He was proud of himself and glad that his family was proud of him too.

"You did great babe." Stef said encouragingly. "You've really been working hard at this."

"I love it." Jesus admitted. "I didn't think I would when I first started but it's actually more strategic than I thought."

"It still looks like tackling some guy." Mariana laughed, though she was proud of her brother as well.

"You better be careful." Jesus teased, flexing his muscles at his twin. "I could take you out like a fly." He moved closer to her to prove his point.

"Can you shower first." Mariana said, pushing him away with one finger on his chest. "You really stink."

Everyone laughed as they turned to head out of the gym. Lena was going to walk her family to the car, to make sure they leave before heading to her office but when she turned her heart sunk for there stood Kate, waiting for her.

"Ready Lena?" Kate asked.

"Just a couple of minutes." Lena said walking over quickly before her family made their way over. "Why don't you wait in my office." She suggested, wishing Kate would just disappear.

"I'll wait outside." Kate said. "The weather's great down here." She was completely clueless to Lena's predicament herself so she had no idea that she was putting her in such an awkward position.

By now Stef and the kids had also caught up to Lena. They were all aware that Lena wasn't joining them but they wanted to say bye to her before they headed out.

"You did great young man." Kate said, smiling at Jesus. She had come back into the gym soon after going to Lena's office and finding it all closed.

"He did." Stef agreed proudly, pulling Jesus close and kissing him much to his embarrassment, despite his sweaty face and body.

"Are you his mom?" Kate asked, seeing the proud look on Stef's face.

"I am." Stef said. "Are you new here?" She asked, having never seen the woman before.

"Oh no." Kate answered extending her hand. "I'm just visiting. I met Lena in San Francisco and came down here to see her."

"Oh." Stef said, realizing that this was the woman that Lena had to meet with. "You from the board of education?" She asked, thinking that the woman looked a little too young for that.

"Just a friend." Kate said and before Stef could introduce herself Kate faced Lena and reached for her hand and said, "Hoping to be something more though."


	2. Chapter 2

Suddenly all the conversation stopped. The girls and Brandon and Jude who hadn't really been part of it all also stopped their chatter to stare at the stranger in front of them.

"Excuse me?" Stef said, clearing her throat uncomfortably.

"We're lesbian." Kate confirmed, letting go of Lena's hand thinking that that must be the reason that everyone was staring at her. "I get that it's not for everyone but we had a great time right?" She asked, turning to Lena for a response.

Stef's jaw dropped as she too turned to stare at Lena, unable to even respond.

"What exactly does that mean?" Mariana asked, hoping that it wasn't what she, and obviously everyone else, was thinking.

"She's your vice principal in school but she does have a life too you know." Kate laughed awkwardly, realizing that something was wrong but still thinking it was just homophobia.

"Mom?" Jesus said, turning to Lena, who was staring back at Stef, her face pale.

"Mom?" Kate questioned with a frown. "I thought she was your mom." She said, pointing to Stef.

"They're _both_ our moms." Mariana said bitterly.

"You have kids?" Kate asked in shock.

"Five, and a wife." Jesus added with just as much malice in his voice as his twin.

The other three children just stood back, watching the scene. Neither boy was very verbal or confrontational and Callie just found the whole situation awkward and she wasn't really sure what she should say at all.

"You told me you had no family." Kate said to Lena, the hurt evident on her face. "I thought we really had something Lena. I thought maybe I'd move and start working here."

Stef and Lena were still staring at each other - one face covered with shock and hurt and the other filled with regret.

"Stef" Lena finally uttered the word filled with remorse as she reached out to her wife.

"Don't" Stef said abruptly, shaking her head and moving a few steps away from Lena until she walked into Brandon behind her. Immediately Stef spun around and handed Brandon the keys to the car. "Get everyone home please." She instructed before walking out of the gym while the rest of her family just stood around, still in shock.

* * *

><p>"Lena?" Kate said again, hoping for some sort of explanation. The Lena she had met in San Francisco was nothing like the one she was seeing here - that one seemed confidant, carefree and spontaneous but this one seemed to have more problems than she had let on.<p>

Lena finally turned away from the gym doorway through which Stef had disappeared to look at the younger woman in front of her. She could see the hurt look on her face and instantly felt bad for using her the way she did. Back then she had been a way for Lena to forget her heartache over her lost daughter and her struggles to mother five children, each with their own problems. Now, all she saw was a young girl, not much younger than she herself had been when she found out that Gretchen had cheated on her, feeling betrayed and insignificant.

Lena quickly turned to her children, planning on asking them to go home while she first talked to Kate and then try to find Stef but the moment she turned to them Mariana gave her a disgusted look.

"Let's go." Mariana said before walking away the way Stef had gone.

Jesus shook his head in disappointment at his mother as she followed his sister while the other three just walked away, their heads down, avoiding eye contact with Lena, Callie's hand placed gently on Jude's back, guiding him out of the gym.

"What's going to happen now?" Jude whispered to Callie once they were walking towards the car.

But Callie just shrugged. She had no idea. She's ever been in a home like this one before and she had no idea what to expect from now on.

* * *

><p>Five hours later Lena finally entered the house. She had spent less than half an hour explaining and apologizing to Kate and the rest of the time just sitting alone in her office, crying until she had no more tears left. She had originally planned on going to look for Stef but she had no car and she knew that giving Stef a little time and space would do them both a world of good - she just hoped that Stef would give her a chance to explain.<p>

Finally she had called for a cab and gone home to find her five children sitting together in the living room with the TV on low to some movie that even they were obviously not watching. Callie was sitting at one end of the couch with Jude rested against her, Mariana was on the other side, her feet propped up on Jude and the two older boys were on the armchairs. None of them were talking but all their faces showed their hurt and anger towards their mother.

"Where's mom?" Lena asked softly when no child made any attempt to speak to her.

"She's not home yet." Callie answered, the only one looking at her directly.

"Not at all?" Lena asked, feeling worried.

Callie shook her head.

Lena sighed as she pulled her phone out of her pocket to call her wife.

"She's not even answering our calls, you really expect her to answer yours?" Mariana asked bitterly, clearly angry with her mother and not afraid to voice it.

Lena sighed but walked into the kitchen to make the call. She waited as the phone rang and then went into voicemail. "Stef, where are you? Please come home so we can talk." She was about to hang up but then decided to throw a little guilt in there as well to coax Stef into coming back. "The kids are worried too." She added before hanging up.

And sure enough, twenty minutes later the front door opened for a second time and Stef walked in. She found her children sitting in the same spots as when Lena came home and she could hear the clatter of pots in the kitchen indicating that Lena was making dinner.

"Hi babies." Stef said as all her kids looked towards her. They could tell she'd been crying though she'd done her best to make herself presentable and they really weren't sure how to react.

"Are you okay mom?" Jesus finally mustered up the courage to ask.

"Yes love." Stef said. "Why don't you guys order some pizzas, mama and I will be upstairs." She said before walking into the kitchen to find Lena at the counter chopping something. The constant shake of her shoulders and the irritate rhythm of the knife made Stef certain she was crying.

"Lena." Stef said softly, causing her to turn around.

"Stef." Lena said, obviously relieved that she was back.

Both women stood looking at each other for a few minutes, neither sure of how to start or even what to say.

"Where were you?" Lena finally asked, wondering what her wife had been doing for the last five hours.

"The pier." Stef answered.

Once again neither woman knew what to say and Lena knew she had to be the one to start - she owed Stef an explanation and she deserved to be pushed out of her comfort zone. She opened her mouth to speak again but Stef stopped her.

"Let's go upstairs." Stef said quietly, aware that the kids were just in the next room.

"Um, dinner." Lena faltered, gesturing at the ingredients behind her.

"The kids are going to order pizza." Stef explained, no remorse for the fact that her wife was already half way through cooking a meal for them.

"Okay." Lena said, as she turned around to see if anything needed immediate attention before turning around following Stef quietly up the stairs. The eerie silence and the palpable tension making her even more nervous than she already was.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe this is happening." Jesus mumbled.<p>

They had seen their mothers go upstairs but none of them could judge what the outcome would be. The two adults had fought a million times before but never over something like this and not even Brandon had a clue as to how things would play out.

"I never imagined Lena would cheat on mom." Brandon said.

"She looks so hurt." Jesus pointed out. "I've never seen her look like that."

"When we first got here I used to think of the two of them were like a fairytale." Mariana admitted. "I never believed families like that really existed until I met them."

"Me either." Jude said softly, still sitting cuddled up with Callie. He couldn't remember much about his life before his mother had died and even then his parents weren't as close as Stef and Lena were.

"Who was that woman anyways?" Brandon asked. He'd never seen her before anywhere.

"She said they met in San Francisco." Jesus said, remembering her introducing herself to Stef. "Apparently she did a lot more than just go to a conference."

"She didn't seem like she knew much more than we did." Brandon pointed out. He didn't exactly feel sorry for the stranger but he didn't blame her either.

"So mom lied to her too." Mariana said bitterly. "And she's always nagging us to be honest and truthful." She gave a disgusted laugh at the thought.

"I still can't really believe it's happening." Brandon said. "I don't remember much about when my parents were together, but I do remember that it was nothing like this. Even before the fighting they were never as close as moms are."

"Do you think they'll split up?" Mariana finally asked the one question that was plaguing everyone's minds.

But none of the other's answered her for two reasons - for one thing none of them knew the answer and two, none of them wanted to even imagine that outcome.

All five children sat silently once again, lost in their own thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

Stef sat on their bed with her head down and her shoulders unnaturally slumped the way only someone completely broken would sit. She still hadn't found a way to ask Lena what had happened and more importantly why. She wasn't sure she even wanted to know the answer.

"Stef" Lena finally said after waiting ages for Stef to turn around and look at her.

Stef shook her head, still unable to grasp what was happening. "Why?" She finally asked.

The word came out with so much hurt and confusion that Lena wanted to cry herself but she forced herself to hold in her tears. She didn't deserve to cry just yet - she owed Stef more than that.

"I was grieving." Lena said.

"So was I Lena." Stef said, her eyes going wide. "But I didn't run off and..." But she trailed off, unable to even say the words.

"I know." Lena said as she sat down next to Stef and was relieved when Stef didn't move away. "Everything was just so..." She tried to find the words to explain. "I just needed to be someone else for a while."

"What does that even mean?" Stef asked. She'd never imagined Lena saying something like that.

"Up there I wasn't a wife and mother and grieving woman, I was just Lena and I just let go of everything else for one night." Lena admitted.

Stef tried to process whatever Lena was telling her. She knew that she was hurting from losing the baby and things had been a little crazy around the house but their family had always been like that, so what was so different now?

"I didn't go there planning this." Lena tried to explain further. "She just started talking to me and I found myself forgetting everything and just talking back. One thing led to another and..." She trailed off. "I didn't tell you because it meant absolutely nothing to me and I didn't want to hurt you."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Stef asked, frowning at Lena.

"No." Lena said. "I just... I made a mistake and I wanted it behind me."

"And you were just going to go the rest of our lives keeping it a secret?" Stef asked, still shocked and surprised.

Lena didn't respond, she hadn't thought that far ahead. Honestly, in her mind the whole thing would just disappear over time, like it never happened at all.

Suddenly Stef gave a sarcastic laugh, filled with disbelief. "And when we first met you didn't want a relationship because I would be cheating on Mike, and we weren't even living together any more. I guess it's just the other person that has to be single huh?" She asked with a bitter edge to her voice.

"Come on Stef." Lena tried to beg. Nothing was going to work if they started stabbing at each other.

"No, don't 'come on' me Lena." Stef said. "I don't even know how to describe how I feel right now." She said as tears started falling down her face. She finally let the raw emotion show in her eyes as she admitted just how hurt she was.

"I'm sorry Stef." Lena said softly. "I really am."

Stef looked at Lena, studying her face but all she could see was some other woman touching her and she had to look away. "I can't right now." She finally said, getting up. "I need to get away."

"Where are you going?" Lena asked worriedly.

"I'll see if I can get the night shift." Stef said as she went to pull out a uniform from their closet.

"NO." Lena said firmly as she pulled the shirt from Stef's hands. "No, you can't go to work like this." Regardless of everything that was happening she didn't want Stef out in this state.

"I need to get away Lena." Stef said, snatching her shirt back.

"Then go for a walk." Lena said forcefully. Guilty or not she wasn't going to give in.

"That's not going to help." Stef argued.

"Why not?" Lena asked.

"Because I need something to distract me. I don't need to just sit there thinking about you and some other... woman." She said in disgust.

Lena cringed at the image but she understood Stef's point. "Please." She begged more softly. "Don't go out there like this."

Stef sighed but eventually agreed to a compromise. "I'll stay at the station and do paperwork." She said, hoping that it would keep her mind off this but still keep her safe.

Lena reluctantly let go of the shirt and watched sadly as Stef got dressed. She wished there was something she could do to convince Stef to stay and talk to her but it wasn't going to happen and if Stef didn't get the space she needed then things could get worse.

* * *

><p>Lena waited upstairs while Stef said bye to the kids and then waited another ten minutes to get her emotions in check before heading down there herself. She knew she had to talk to her kids too but she had no idea what to say to them. They were clearly upset with her and she had absolutely nothing to justify her actions with.<p>

"Have you ordered your pizza?" Lena asked as she entered the living room. Some of the kids had changed places but they were still sitting sullenly around.

"Yes." Callie said. "It should be here any minute."

"Good." Lena said, for lack of something better to say. She took a seat on the arm of the couch next to Callie who was now sitting with Jude's head on her lap and Brandon at her feet mindlessly flipping through the channels.

"I'm sorry." Lena said, looking at each of her children. "I know I messed up."

"Yeah right." Mariana said in disgust before getting up and storming up the stairs.

"Mariana." Lena tried to stop her but the girl didn't even turn back.

Lena turned back to her other children just as the doorbell rang.

"That's the pizza." Jesus said as he got up and practically ran to answer the door, desperate to get away from Lena.

"I have the money." Brandon said as he followed his brother out leaving only Callie and Jude behind.

Lena turned to the two who were now sitting up and looking at her sympathetically.

"We ordered you half a sausage and corn" Callie offered kindly, knowing it was Lena's favorite. "We also got Stef a pepperoni with jalapeño and pineapple on the other half but..." She said, not needing to verbalize the fact that she'd left.

"Thanks honey." Lena said gratefully. She couldn't even explain how good it felt to have at least one child not look at her like she'd destroyed them all.

"We're gonna go take these up and eat with Mariana." Brandon said leaving Lena's and Stef's pizza and one for Callie and Jude on the coffee table before heading upstairs the way Jesus had just gone.

"You guys can join them." Lena offered, realizing that they may feel awkward sitting alone with her.

"It's okay." Callie smiled. "We're okay here." She looked to Jude for confirmation but the boy only did as she did. He had retreated slightly to the boy who had first come to live at the house, the one that followed his sister - the only constant in his entire life.

Jude quickly opened up the two pizzas and handed Lena her's but the woman was not in the mood to eat and Callie didn't seem to be either so Jude carefully laid his slice of plain cheese back down in the box.

"I know I messed things up." Lena said, desperate for at least one person to understand. "I never meant to do that, I just needed..." But she had no words.

"You needed to be someone else for a while." Callie said knowingly.

Lena looked up at her, shocked that she'd understood it exactly.

"I've felt like that." Callie admitted. "I've needed to just let go of everything for a while and pretend like nothing matters."

"That's not an excuse." Lena said, still hating herself for the choice she'd made.

"It is." Callie said. "Just not a good one." She offered teasingly, hoping to ease Lena slightly.

It wasn't that Callie wasn't upset with Lena or sad about the whole situation but in the end it had been Lena who had picked her up from juvie and made the decision to take the risk with her. Stef had been great and always loved and supported her but Callie really owed Lena her life here - Lena had convinced Stef to let her stay and give her a chance.

"No it isn't." Lena said, feeling just a bit of the weight lift off her shoulders. She smiled at the two kids looking back at her. "Eat." She instructed and watched as Jude quickly picked up his pizza again and took a bite while Callie looked back at her for a few moments more before doing the same.

Meanwhile Stef sat at her desk starring at the papers in front of her, but she couldn't concentrate on anything. Nothing was distracting her from the image of Lena with the young brunette and she knew that even patrolling the city wouldn't help. Lena had been right, it was too dangerous for her to be out like this. As mad as she was at her she still had a responsibility to her and the kids. But she knew that she just needed some space and before she could even register what she was doing she was on her computer looking up cheep, one-bedroom apartments in the area.


	4. Chapter 4

Late that night Lena walked through the house checking on each child and found them all asleep. It was't often that they checked on the kids anymore but tonight she needed to know that they were safe in their beds, especially since Stef was out, alone and upset. Lena went back to her room and stood at the door looking at their empty bed. She couldn't believe that this was actually happening to her. It all still seemed like just a nightmare that would disappear once she woke up. But she knew she wasn't asleep and when she did finally fall asleep and wake up it would all still be right there. She quietly crawled into bed and curled herself up into a ball but found herself slowly shifting towards Stef's side until she finally fell asleep in Stef's bed, her pillow clutched tightly to her chest.

* * *

><p>Stef sat alone at her desk browsing through apartments. Some of her coworkers had tried to talk to her but when she showed no interest in anything they just left her. She completely tuned out the hustle and bustle of the officers around her and focused on her task at hand. So far there was nothing in the area that was in their budget. She really couldn't justify spending almost two thousand dollars a month on a one bedroom apartment for herself when they had five mouths to feed. She began looking in the cheaper areas that weren't the best but would do just for her. She finally found one in a rundown area of town where she would never let any of her family venture into. It was only eight hundred dollars a month for one room that had a pull out bed, small kitchenette with a table and a bathroom. It didn't look like much but it was still something she could afford without digging too far into their monthly income. Besides, she didn't plan on staying there much - she'd pick up some extra shifts to help with the extra expense and only really needed the place to sleep and eat.<p>

She drove down to the area where the building was to have a look around. The apartment was on the first floor overlooking the street so she'd get an idea of what it was like. The building was rundown with paint pealing and smelt faintly of urine but it was an apartment and it was affordable. Stef had been down to this area a couple of times for drug busts and stolen cars but the crowd hanging around the streets right now were just a bunch of teenagers or early twenty's drinking and smoking and doing little else. She could make it work here and she planned to call the landlord first thing in the morning.

* * *

><p>When Lena woke up the following morning it was already nine thirty. Her lack of sleep the night before and all the crying had caused her to oversleep. There was no sound outside her room so she guessed the kids were still asleep. Lena quickly brushed her teeth and headed down to the kitchen to find that Callie had started a pot of coffee and was busy making the dough for her favorite biscuits and gravy.<p>

"Good morning." Callie said as she kneaded the dough. "I put the coffee on."

"Thanks honey." Lena said gratefully as she poured herself a much needed cup. "Did you sleep well?" She asked her daughter.

"Yes." Callie lied. The truth was that none of them had slept well. Both her and Mariana had woken up multiple times and Jude even crawled into her bed sometime during the night and was still asleep there. But Callie didn't tell Lena that - she had enough to worry about as it is.

"Can I help?" Lena asked, looking around the kitchen.

"Sure." Callie said. "You can start with the gravy.

Soon the two of them were working silently but swiftly and every sound that came from outside would cause Lena to look at the front door to see if Stef had come home.

* * *

><p>An hour later everyone was up and ready for breakfast. The biscuits were just being pulled out of the oven and the gravy was nice and warm and just as they were putting it all out on the table they heard the front door open.<p>

"Mom." Mariana said with the first big smile on her face as she rushed to the door with the rest of the family in tow.

"I love." Stef greeted her with a hug that Jude soon joined.

"Are you going to have breakfast with us?" Jude asked. "Callie made biscuits."

"Um yes." Stef said, looking towards Lena. She had something important to tell her first but she would have breakfast with the kids. They needed her to be present in their lives. "I'm just going to talk to mama real quick and we'll be down in a few minutes okay."

Lena suddenly felt apprehensive because she couldn't judge from Stef's expression whether she had something good to say or something bad. Reluctantly she followed Stef up the stairs while the kids headed back to start breakfast. While each of them was glad that their mom was back they were still worried and sullen about what was to come.

* * *

><p>"I went to see an apartment today." Stef said once they were in their room.<p>

"For what?" Lena asked, feeling terrified of what Stef was telling her.

"For me." Stef answered frankly.

"Stef no." Lena said, her eyes filling with tears in front of Stef for the first time. "Please no." She said again, desperate for Stef to just talk to her and work this out instead of leaving.

"I can't Lena, I'm sorry." Stef said. She truly felt bad but she really needed to get away. There was no way she could spend night after night next to Lena in the same bed and pretend like nothing had happened. She loved Lena more than she ever loved anyone. Lena was her entire world and there was absolutely nothing she wouldn't do for her. When she wanted to get married Stef agreed though it wasn't really for her. When Lena wanted to try for a baby she agreed again. No matter how hard it was for her or how uncomfortable something made her feel she would find a way to do it if it's what Lena wanted. But now, after this, she just felt far too broken and hurt. She needed to do something for herself and this was it.

"Can we just talk about this first please." Lena begged, hoping to change Stef's mind. "What about the kids? They need you."

"I will come around and be there for the kids but I really need my own space." Stef explained.

"And you think they're going to be happy with that?" Lena asked, hoping at least the kids could convince her to stay.

"I know it's hard but..." She didn't know what to say. "We'll tell them after breakfast." She said, knowing that the kids wouldn't be happy but this was just something she had to do.

"Where is it?" Lena asked.

"Not far from here." Stef said. "It's small and cheap and only a fifteen minute drive away, down near the homeless shelter."

"That's a terrible place." Lena said. She couldn't count how many times Stef had complained of the drug busts in that area.

"It's not so bad." Stef said. "And it won't make too big a dent in our income."

"Well can't you at least find something better." Lena finally asked, realizing that Stef wasn't going to change her mind.

"Not for that price." Stef said. She still wanted to keep things as routine for the kids as possible and not taking a huge chunk of money out each month was definitely priority.

"Stef it's not safe." Lena said. She was so worried. She had no idea how to make things turn around. She had absolutely no right to tell Stef what to do.

"I'll be fine." Stef said. "I'll have my gun and I can defend myself." She reminded Lena. "Plus, people don't really just attack others for no reason."

"But you're a cop." Lena pointed out. She felt that that alone would be reason enough for them to want Stef gone.

"It's not so bad." Stef promised. "They aren't all troublemakers. I drove there last night and everything seemed fine."

"Look, we can just let go of one month's rent okay." Lena tried to get her out of it. "We'll work something out but..."

"It's already done Lena." Stef interrupted her. "I just came home to tell you and the kids and get my stuff."

Lena sighed, knowing that this was going to happen no matter what she said. Now all that was left was to finish breakfast and then tell the kids. She knew this wasn't going to go well and the kids would be even more angry with her than they already were but honestly, right now, she was just more worried about Stef and hoped she'd really be safe.

* * *

><p>"That was delicious Callie, thank you." Stef said as she stroked her daughter's back. "You really are good at these.<p>

"Thanks." Callie smiled. "My mom used to make them for us whenever..." But she stopped. She didn't want to say 'whenever something sad was happening'.

"Well she definitely taught you well." Stef praised. "I could eat them everyday."

"I agree." Jesus added. "In fact, I'm going to have another one right now."

"I'm too stuffed to eat another bite." Brandon said, sticking his last piece of fruit into his mouth. "I don't think I could eat for a week."

Mariana watched her family around her. Things seemed so normal right now with the exception of Stef and Lena barely looking at each other. In fact the entire family was barely looking at Lena. She was sitting at one end of the table with Callie and Jude on either side of her because the other three kids didn't want to be next to her right now. Mariana wouldn't admit it out loud but she was glad that Callie had made breakfast because she wouldn't have eaten anything that Lena made.

"I'm definitely eating lunch." Jesus said. "And maybe even something before that." He added, making everyone laugh. It was the first time that things seemed completely normal. Though none of the kids knew yet, just how different things were about to get.


	5. Chapter 5

"You all know what's going on obviously." Stef said once the breakfast dishes were cleared. Everyone was sitting around in the breakfast nook waiting for Stef to say whatever she'd called everyone for. Each child looked between Stef and Lena to gauge their reactions but both faces looked sad which had become a common occurrence around the house since Stef found out about Lena.

"I know it's not easy, and we are going to work on things but for a while I'm moving out of the house." Stef said, knowing that there was no way to sugarcoat it.

"What?" The kids all asked in shock and disgust. "Why?"

Stef wasn't sure how to respond. She didn't want to tell the kids that she couldn't bear to even look Lena. "We need the space to get past this." Stef said. "We both need to be able to think clearly and this will help."

"Why can't she go?" Jesus asked angrily. "She's the one that screwed around.

"Yeah." Mariana agreed. "Why do you have to go."

"Mama is not moving out." Stef said firmly. "This is just temporary, and I will still be here for you and you can call me whenever you want but it's just something to give mama and I some space." Stef explained, though she wasn't entirely sure just how 'temporary' it was going to be.

Jude, who had been sitting next to Callie scooted closer to her as he began to cry silently. Tears also welled in the twins eyes slightly. For all three of them this had been the first safe place in their short lives and suddenly even this was falling apart.

"This sucks." Brandon piped up giving his mother a disgusted look. "I don't want to live here either then." He said. "I'm going to live with dad."

"Brandon." Stef said gently, hoping to calm him down before he got everyone worked up.

"No mom." I don't want to have to live here with her." Brandon said.

"Well you have to." Stef argued. "The last time you stayed with your father you caused a lot of trouble."

"Well that won't happen again." Brandon argued back.

"Too bad. I'm your mother and I have custody of you so you don't have a choice." Stef told him flatly.

"Having custody means that I have to live with you but since you're moving out I have a right to live with dad." Brandon was practically yelling now.

"Ask him if he'll take me too." Jesus said and Stef suddenly felt herself losing control.

"No one is going anywhere." Stef said.

"Except you." Mariana pointed out bitterly.

Stef sighed, there was nothing she could do. The kids were hurting and this was their way of showing how angry they were. "I will still come and see you kids and I will come by often. Nothing changes between us. I am still your mother and I will be your mother for the rest of your lives, nothing will ever change that."

Stef looked around at the faces in front of her. She felt bad about what she was doing to them but she knew that if there was even the slightest chance of the two of them working things out she needed the space to figure it all out.

* * *

><p>After Stef had packed a few things and left to get some groceries for her apartment along with some other essentials the kids all disappeared to do their own things. Stef had promised to return for dinner but that still left the whole day without her.<p>

"This totally bites." Mariana said to Callie.

"I was really starting to believe that his house was different." Callie admitted. "Like it was safe from the bad things that happen outside."

"This wasn't just something that happened, this is something that Lena did." Mariana corrected, using Lena's name rather than calling her mama.

Callie didn't say anything in response. She didn't want to upset Mariana further by trying to defend Lena. Of all the kids the twins seemed to be taking things the hardest. Callie wondered if it was because they that lived there longer than her and Jude had but also had bad experiences elsewhere unlike Brandon.

"Wanna go get some ice-cream?" Brandon asked as he entered the girl's room. "I just don't feel like hanging around here anymore."

"Yes." Mariana said quickly as she practically jumped off her bed and ran out the door.

"I'll be down in a minute." Callie also agreed. "Have you asked Jude and Jesus?"

"They're already downstairs." Brandon confirmed. "We'll be waiting."

Callie nodded and waited for Brandon to leave before she went and knocked softly on Lena's door. She could hear Lena crying through the door and she felt bad about leaving her alone but even she really needed to get out for a while.

"Come in." Lena said as she sniffled and tried to wipe her eyes.

"I just came to tell you that we're going to get ice-cream." Callie said.

"Okay, thanks honey." Lena said, grateful that Callie was telling her where they were headed.

"Can I get you anything?" Callie asked. "Mint chocolate chip?" She added, knowing it was Lena's favorite.

"No, thanks." Lena said, obviously wanting to be left alone for a while. "You just go and enjoy yourselves."

"Okay." Callie said before shutting the door and heading downstairs to the others.

* * *

><p>By lunch Stef had gotten few items for her apartment and was setting it all up but in less than fifteen minutes she was completely done. This left her with nothing to do but crawl into bed and cry just like Lena was doing at home. Neither of them were in the mood for lunch and since the kids hadn't gone home yet there was no need for Lena to even bother with it.<p>

Both women were tempted several times but neither went through with it. Stef just couldn't find the strength in her to speak to Lena and have to talk about this while Lena was afraid that constantly pushing Stef to talk would only drive her further away. Neither woman had ever even imagined that something like this would happen to them.

* * *

><p>When Stef left her apartment later that day to head back home for dinner she got a good look at the area. If she ever caught one of her kids in a place like this she would have had a heart attack. There were teenagers smoking god-knows-what and people arguing and she felt for the first time like she didn't belong. There were just a few cars that looked like they would actually run while the others either had slashed tires, broken windows or spray paint all over them. Stef's GMC seemed to be the fanciest car around. She wondered briefly if it was wise to park it on the street like this but she really didn't have a choice. The people around had watched her move in but so far they weren't aware that she was a cop. She wasn't sure if it was better for them to find out or worse.<p>

Her landlord was a sixty-something grouch who wasn't bothered by anything she had to say except that she would pay her rent on time and not cause him any trouble. He had given her a key with instruction to which apartment was hers and that was it. She went to the apartment herself, looked around, paid for the first month and then headed home to tell Lena and the kids. Since coming back she'd filled the mini fridge and put her clothes away and cleaned up the mess that the last tenant had left as best she could. She knew she wouldn't be hanging around her apartment much. She'd pick up extra shifts as often as she could. That would help her both to get out of the apartment as well as earn a little extra to pay for it, not to mention keep her mind occupied.

* * *

><p>By the time Stef drove up to the house the kids were back though they hadn't said a word to Lena. She was finishing the dinner she hadn't finished cooking the night before so half of it was already done. She had wondered what the kids had done all day but all Callie had told her was that they got ice-cream and then headed to the food court for burgers and fries. She knew the kids had probably been angry with her and talking about what she'd done and Callie was trying to protect her by not repeating it but it made her feel worse not know what her kids were up to all day.<p>

"Mom." Brandon said from the living room when Stef entered, pulling Lena out of her thoughts.

"Hi baby." Stef said, unaware that her kids were out of the house all day. "What have you been up to?" She asked.

"Nothing." Brandon said. "Waiting for you." He didn't tell her that he'd called his father to ask to spend the night there. He planned to leave as soon as Stef left after dinner. He hadn't told his dad what had happened yet but he would tonight and then he'd ask if he could stay permanently, at least till Stef was back home.

"Where are the others?" Stef asked.

"Jesus and Jude are out back and the girls are upstairs doing something or the other." Brandon answered his mom. "Lena's cooking." He added as an afterthought, once again using her name.

"Alright, well why don't you go call them and tell them I'm here." She told her son, needed to see her kids just as much as she knew they'd want to see her.

Brandon nodded and began climbing the stairs while Stef headed into the kitchen. Lena was busy stirring the beef stew when Stef entered. She knew Stef was there but she just couldn't turn around. She didn't want to see the hurt look in Stef's eyes.

"Mom" Mariana came bounding into the kitchen and practically ran into her.

"Hi love." Stef greeted her with a hug. "What were you up to?"

"Chatting with the girls." Mariana answered.

"Hi sweetheart." Stef said to Callie as she made her way to the kitchen with Brandon.

"Hey." Callie smiled. She could feel the stress in the room. She knew that Jude was struggling and she was trying to keep things as calm as possible. She'd been upstairs doing the laundry so that Lena wouldn't have to. She was afraid just like the others and keeping herself busy was one way to deal with it.

"Hey mom." Jesus and Jude said when Brandon called them in. All five little faces lit up when they saw Stef.

"Hi boys." Stef said to each of them. "Why don't you go wash up. Dinner's almost ready." She said, looking at their dirty hands and faces.

Both boys disappeared leaving Brandon and the girls with Stef and Lena.

"Are you going back to your apartment after dinner?" Mariana asked, her voice laced with sadness.

"Only to change." Stef answered. "I'm working the night shift tonight." She watched Lena cringe though the corner of her eye and it too everything she had not to reach out and comfort her like she'd done thousands of times before.

"Oh." Mariana said, though she's already known that her mother wouldn't stay over even if she wasn't working.

"I will come and see you kids after school tomorrow okay." Stef said, noticing the sad look on Mariana's face. "I'll be heading into work at four but we can sit together and talk at three fifteen until I have to leave."

"Yeah okay." Mariana smiled, glad that she was sure to see her mother again the next day.

"See, nothings really changed okay." Stef tried to offer. "I'll come by for dinner every other day as long as I'm not working and I'll drop by whenever else I can."

"It's still not the same." Jesus said, returning from he bathroom and hearing his mother.

"I know baby." Stef kissed him before they all sat down to a rather quiet dinner where all of them did little more than pick at their food and avoid eye-contact.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you want to go to work?" Lena asked Stef when the kids had excused themselves after what could barely be considered dinner.<p>

"Yes." Stef said, helping Lena with the dishes. "I was scheduled to work nights this week anyways."

"Yes but..." Lena said but then stopped.

Stef knew exactly what she was trying to say. 'Yes, but you didn't know this was going to happen'.

"I'll be careful." Stef promised.

"Can we talk, before you go." Lena practically pleaded.

"Lena." Stef went to protest but the look on Lena's face begged her to agree. "Okay." She finally said and followed Lena into the living room where she took a seat opposite her.

"I know I've said it before but I'm sorry." Lena began. "I'm sorry that it happened, I'm sorry that you found out this way and I'm sorry that I hurt you."

"I just don't get why Lena." Stef said. "You said something but I just don't get it."

Lena wanted so bad to go over and hug Stef. She looked so broken, so unlike herself right now. Lena couldn't even imagine what Stef was going through. She knew that Stef would never do this to her. Yes Stef had her flaws - she was hot tempered, impulsive and it drove Lena crazy sometimes but she knew without a doubt that Stef would never do something like this to her.

"I take it that Kate was as clueless as I am." Stef said, saying the name with such malaise.

Lena nodded, still ashamed of how she'd treated the young woman.

"Who is she?" Stef asked, wanting to know more about his woman for some strange reason.

"I just met her." Lena explained. "She was so young and just full of life. She made me forget everything for a while."

"Clearly." Stef said bitterly, realizing that she was part of the 'everything' Lena was talking about.

"That's not what I meant." Lena defended. "I'm talking about the hurt and pain and emptiness I felt."

"Well why didn't you come to me?" Stef asked. "I've been trying so hard to make things easy for you. I know you're hurting and I understand that you're hurting much more than I was. I can't imagine what you were feeling but I was trying, Lena." Stef choked on the words as sobs took over. "I was trying everything I could think of to help you."

"I know." Lena said, beginning to cry as well. "You were great. I don't deny that honey." She said letting the term slip in there. "It's just, for that one night it was like losing Frankie never happened." She explained. "She wasn't trying to make me forget. She was just interested in me as me."

Once again Stef cringed at the image. It was just too much for her. No matter what Lena was going through she had hurt her and she now struggled to even just look at her without picturing them together.

"I love you Stef." Lena continued. "I know it doesn't seem like it right now but I love you and I love everything you have done for me. I am so sorry about what happened but I really want us to get past this. I _need_ us to get past this please."

"I need the space Lena." Stef said, assuming that she was talking about moving back home.

"Okay." Lena said. "But please can we just work it out. Come over for dinner and come when the kids are at school and we'll talk. We need to get through this Stef please"

Stef sighed and then glanced at the clock on the wall. "I need to get to work." She said, not agreeing to either of the requests that Lena had made. She needed time to think things through and those big brown eyes that she loved so much did nothing to help her think straight.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey." Mike said at the door. It was eight thirty and he was here to pick up Brandon but when Lena opened the door she looked completely confused.

"Hey Mike." Lena said, trying to look like she hadn't just been crying. "What are you doing here?"

"Brandon asked if he could spend the night." Mike said in confusion. "He said he needed to talk to me."

"Oh right." Lena said, forging understanding. She figured that Brandon needed some space and would talk things through with his dad but she couldn't blame him for it. She also assumed that Stef had no idea about any of this and decided to just let it go. She had turned down Brandon's request to move in with his dad but he was still allowed to go over occasionally so tonight would just be that night.

"B, your dad's here." Lena called up the stairs and waited a moment while Brandon came down, closely followed by Jesus.

"You're leaving?" Jesus asked, clearly envious of his brother.

"Yeah, I'm spending the night with my dad." Brandon answered as he picked up the backpack that he had already left by the door.

"Ready B?" Mike asked.

"Brandon nodded and walked out the door without so much as a glance towards Lena, much to Mike's surprise.

"Lucky bug." Jesus mumbled as he went back upstairs while Lena closed the door behind them.

* * *

><p>"How are you holding up?" Mike asked Stef the following morning. Stef was almost ready to finish her shift and Mike was just starting.<p>

"Great." Stef said, not looking up from the report she was writing. "Never better."

"Come on Stef." Mike coaxed as he took a seat on the chair by her desk.

Stef finally looked up at her ex-husband and realized that he knew more than she wanted him to.

"Brandon told me." Mike confirmed. "I gotta admit, I did not see that coming." He sounded genuinely sad for her.

"Yeah? Well that makes two of us." Stef said, clearly still upset.

"You moved out." Mike continued.

"I did." Stef confirmed. "I just couldn't be there anymore."

"B asked to move in with me." Mike told her. "He wanted me to convince you."

"No." Stef said flatly.

"Actually I'm going to try to convince you of something instead." Mike cut her off. "Go back home Stef. That's no place for a woman all on her own." He said, referring to the area Stef had moved to.

"I'm fine Mike." Stef dismissed his concerns. "I can take care of myself."

"I'm sure you can." Mike couldn't argue with that fact. "But at least move somewhere else. Come stay with me if you have to stay somewhere else. You can have B's room for a while."

Stef smiled. "Leave my cheating wife and move in with my ex-husband." Stef summed up. "Sounds like some TV Drama.

"It wouldn't be like that." Mike said. "Just a tenant."

"I'm fine Mike, thank you." Stef turned him down. "I really need my own space right now. Besides, I've taken double shifts almost all week so I'll be out of the apartment most of the time anyway and I'll be asleep when I'm actually there."

Though Stef had tried hard to look indifferent Mike could see the hurt in her eyes. He knew her better than she liked to admit. He also knew that Lena would worry about Stef working so much and living down by the homeless shelter. He decided to go visit her as well. She'd been an amazing mother to his son - loved him like he was her own and helped raise him into who he was. Mike felt like he owed her this much at least.

* * *

><p>Lena sighed as she opened the front door to Mike again. She knew instantly that Mike now knew what had happened. The kids had already left for school, refusing to eat anything she made for breakfast and now she was alone at home. She'd called in and said that she'd be in a little late. She needed a little time to herself to just regroup.<p>

"I just thought I'd let you know that I told B he had to stay here." Mike said sympathetically. His son had made it clear that all the kids were mad at Lena and basically avoiding her. He remember how upset B had gotten when Mike was drinking while Stef was in the hospital and remember feeling so disappointing at letting his kid down. He figured Lena would be feeling the same way.

"I also talked to Stef." Mike continued. "I tried to convince her to move back or somewhere else or even in with me but she refused."

Lena sighed and nodded, she expected nothing less from Stef.

"I promise I'll keep an eye out for her and make sure she doesn't overdo it." Mike offered.

"Thanks Mike." Lena said gratefully. "I really appreciate that. She's totally running on emotion right now and I just don't want her to do something stupid."

"I'll make sure she sleeps and I'll talk to Roberts and have her put us together for a while, that way I can keep an eye out for her and maybe even find out where she's staying exactly." Mike promised.

"I can't believe this is happening." Lena mumbled, more to herself than Mike. "I can't believe I did this to her."

"I know that feeling." Mike assured her. "Every time I'd get drunk and let her and Brandon down she'd give me that look of pure disappointment. It nearly killed me."

Lena nodded in complete understanding. She was getting that look from Stef as well as the five kids.

"But in all honesty, I don't see this lasting long." Mike said. "She'll be back. She loves you too much. She's never looked at anyone the way she looks at you - it's like you hung the moon or something."

"And this is what I go and do to her." Lena sighed miserably. "What does that make me?"

"Human." Mike said without missing a beat. "We all make mistakes that we wish we can undo."

"Thanks Mike." Lena smiled. "I really appreciate it. Just looking out for Stef is enough. I don't want anything to happen to her."

"It won't." Mike assured her. "I won't let it."

* * *

><p>After lunch Callie found herself on the rocks on the beach with her feet shin deep in the water. She had skipped lunch in an attempt to be alone for a while and though she'd heard the faint sound of the bell telling her that lunch was over but she just couldn't bring herself to head back to class - not when things were falling apart around her.<p>

"Ditching too?" Brandon asked from behind her.

Callie smiled up at him as he took a seat beside her and rolled up his pants so he could stick his feet in the water too.

"Things really suck don't they?" He asked.

Callie nodded, still silent.

"I never thought something like this would happen to moms." Brandon told her. "They were like the perfect couple."

"There's no such thing." Callie said quietly.

"No." Brandon agreed. "Unfortunately my dad refused to let me move in too. I'm stuck home with Lena."

Callie understood what he felt but she was glad. She wanted them to be together as a family as they went through this.

Brandon suddenly laughed. "We're the only two with dad's out there who'll take us in." He said.

"Yeah but you want to live with yours and they won't let you and I don't want to live with mine and he's fighting the courts for me." Callie pointed out.

"You don't want to go?" Brandon asked her. "Even now? After this?"

"No." Callie said. "This is my home. This is where I want to be."

"It's pretty dreary right now." Brandon pointed out. "Plus the Quinn's have everything and then some."

"They don't have what I want or need." Callie said. "A home doesn't have to be perfect or have everything - it just needs love and after living in so many homes where there was never any love this is like a dream come true." Callie said. "It's what I waited for my whole life."

"I get that everyone's mad at Lena, I really do." Callie continued, trying to explain. "But still, even with all that she's done everything for me. How can I ever hate her? She made a mistake and she knows it but it's for them to work out. I'm not saying I'm not worried or sad that things won't work out but in the end she's still my mom and I learned the hard way not to hate the people who love you.

Brandon thought about what his sister had said. He would never understand the lives that his siblings had led but he did know that he was blessed with the family he was born into. Even with the mistakes and the ups and downs it was still better than most.

"At least this time if things go south I won't go back into the system." Callie said with a small smile.

"What do you mean?" Brandon asked.

"Moms are fighting the Quinn's for custody of me. Or at least they were. I'm not sure what's going to happen now and even if they do continue to fight they may not win if they aren't together." Callie explained. "I don't want to live with the Quinn's but at least they are better than the foster system."

"They won't win." Brandon said, though he was no more sure than she was.

Callie smiled gratefully at him. She could tell that he was just trying to encourage her but she appreciated it all the same.

Their conversation was interrupted when Callie's phone rang and Lena's name flashed across the screen. Callie quickly picked up the phone as the two of them jumped off the rocks and headed back towards the school.

"Where are you?" Lena asked, a mixture of anger and worry.

"On the beach. We're coming back right now." Callie said quickly, regretting that she'd upset Lena further.

"Where are Brandon and Jesus?" Lena asked.

"Brandon's with me, I don't know where Jesus is." Callie said, turning to Brandon for information if he had it.

But Brandon just shook his head in response.

"Come to my office now." Lena ordered as the two headed into the school.

"Where the hell is that boy?" Lena muttered as she tried Jesus' number one more time just to get his voicemail yet again.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey Captain, is my mom around?" Jesus asked as he entered the station.

"Jesus!" Roberts said in surprise. "No, she's not on till four-thirty."

"Oh." Jesus looked down in disappointment. He had no idea where his mom was staying either and she had made it clear that she didn't want them to know at all.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" Roberts asked. She was aware that something had happened at their home and that Stef had temporarily moved out but she didn't know the details.

"Yeah." Jesus answered honestly. "I snuck out to see mom." He hadn't realized that she wouldn't be working though, thinking back, he should have - she mentioned working last night and having to go in at four-thirty after meeting them at school.

"Why don't I give her a call." Roberts suggested, sensing that this was something Stef would want to be informed about.

* * *

><p>"He's what?" Stef asked in surprise. She had just woken up and showered and was about to have a late lunch before she headed to the school to see her kids when Roberts called.<p>

"He's here now and wanted to see you." Roberts said.

"Okay, I'll be there in ten minutes." Stef said as she shoved her feet into her boots and rushed out the door, her hair still wet. For the first time she felt thankful for her apartment, it was at least half the distance to the station than the house.

* * *

><p>"You are in so much trouble young man." Stef said to Jesus as she led him back to her car. She had gotten to the station in record time and then called Lena to let her know that Jesus was safe and with her when he admitted that he hadn't told anyone where he was going.<p>

"I figured." Jesus admitted. "I just needed my mom."

"Honey, I know this is hard." Stef said sympathetically as her anger dissolved. "I'm sorry I did this to you."

"It's not your fault." Jesus interrupted her. "I don't blame you for leaving."

"I didn't leave honey." Stef sighed. "I just needed a little time to myself. I love mama, I really do, I'm just hurting right now."

"She really should have been the one to leave." Jesus grumbled, still upset that she was home while Stef had moved out.

"You know I'd never allow that." Stef said with a smile.

"How can you be nice to her when she hurt you like this?" Jesus asked. He, and the others, were so angry with Lena that they really didn't care much what she did right now.

"Because I love her." Stef answered honestly. "I want her to be safe."

"How can you still love her?" Jesus asked.

"Honey, it's because I love her so much that it hurts so much." Stef explained. "My love doesn't just disappear because she hurt me. That's not how it works."

"Well it should." Jesus shot back.

Stef smiled at her son as she pulled into an In and Out Burger parking lot so the two of them could get some lunch.

"What if you can't work it out?" Jesus asked once they had a table and their burgers and fries in front of them. "What if you decide never to move back."

Stef had no answer to that exactly. She wasn't sure what was going to happen. She honestly wanted to get past this but her heart just ached every time she even thought about Lena right now and she definitely needed to sort that out before she even tried to move in again.

"I don't know honey." Stef answered honestly. "But I do know that I will always be your mom and you will always be loved and taken care of. That won't change."

Jesus nodded. He understood that and he didn't doubt it for a second. He knew that both his moms love him just like they loved his brothers and sisters. He just wished thing could go back to the way they were Saturday morning.

"But honey, you can't do this again." Stef continued. "You can't just take off from school, even if it's to come see me."

"I know." Jesus said.

"Mama was worried about you and you never answered her calls." Stef pointed out, letting him know that even though the two were going through something they were still both involved in the kids lives.

"She wouldn't have let me go if I asked and I just needed to come see you." Jesus said. He didn't admit that even if she would have said yes he didn't want to ask her. He didn't want to have to even talk to her right now.

"I understand that you are upset right now but there are still rules you need to follow." Stef said. "If you wanted to talk to me you could have called me. I already told you I was coming to see you kids after school today."

"I know." Jesus admitted. "I just couldn't sit in class anymore. I haven't listened to a word anyone said anyways and you were alone and sad and I just wanted to be with you."

Stef moved from across the table to sit next to her son and pulled him into a hug as she kissed his head, and though he was a fifteen year old boy, he leaned into the hug and grabbed her hand, completely indifferent to who would see him.

"You are an amazing young man, do you know that?" Stef asked, still holding him tight.

"Yeah." Jesus answered, making them both laugh.

"I can't even imagine my life without you." Stef continued. "But right now, I really need you be strong for me. I need you to trust that things will work out and I need you not to give either of us any more heart attacks okay."

"Yes mom." Jesus said, smiling up at her. He wouldn't cause trouble. He'd give her the time she needed and wait for her to come back.

"I'm still here." Stef reminded him as though she read his thoughts. "I'm still your mom and I'll still come see you all the time and have dinner with you guys when I'm not working. And I still love you to pieces." She added, kissing him once again.

"I love you too mom." Jesus smiled.

"Good, now let's go. I promised your brothers and sisters I'd be there when school finished." Stef said, picking up their trays to toss out.

The two headed back to the car and to the school where Lena and the other kids were waiting for them by Lena's car.

* * *

><p>Lena didn't mention anything about Callie and Brandon missing their class after lunch and when Stef told her that she'd talked to Jesus about not doing it again she let that go as well. She really didn't want to have the kids even more mad at her than they already were. The moment she saw Stef and that Jesus was fine she got into her car and drove away knowing the kids wouldn't come home with her anyways.<p>

Once home she busied herself straightening up the house and she changed some of the pictures in some of the frames around the house - something she did occasionally. As she rummaged through the box of photographs she kept looking through the ones of her and Stef and slowly she felt tears well in her eyes again. She missed Stef. Missed holding her, missed hugging her and kissing her, she even missed arguing with her. She just needed Stef to talk to her, yell at her or scream at her. Anything but this distance.

She glanced at the clock and knew that Stef would already be at work by now and the kids were all probably avoiding the house as much as they could. It was depressing being home and knowing that such an important part was missing.

'Please can we talk.' Lena messaged Stef, hoping that the woman would at least answer.

'I'm at work.' Came the reply.

'Whenever you're free.' Lena replied. She'd go in the middle of the night if that's when Stef was willing.

'Can you come to the cafe across the street from the station at eight?' Stef asked.

'I'll be there." Lena said, a small smile on her face. Even now Stef was still willing to do the little things for her. She vowed that she'd do whatever she could to make up for her mistake.

* * *

><p>Lena wasn't usually one to be nervous but at five minute to eight she was sitting in a quiet booth waiting for Stef, her leg bouncing apprehensively, nervous about what would happen. There wasn't much she could do besides apologize and that was something she'd already done. She'd continue to do it but still she felt so helpless, so unlike the woman she usually was.<p>

"Hey." Stef said as she sat down in the booth opposite Lena. All she had with her was her wallet and glasses. Even her gun had been left behind at the station and Lena smiled slightly to herself that Stef had made even that small gesture for her.

"Thanks for coming." Lena said as they gave their orders to the waitress.

"Sure." Stef said. "I only have half an hour for dinner so..." She waited for Lena to start with whatever she'd come to say.

"I just missed you." Lena said. "I needed to see you." She had no idea that she was saying the very same thing that Jesus had said at lunch. "I changed some of the pictures in the frames." She told Stef, just needed something to say. "I found these." She pulled out three pictures she'd found of the two of them. The first from a picnic they took when they first started going around and allowed Brandon to take a picture of them, the second from Dana and Stewart's anniversary party and the third from the quinceanera - two proud moms watching their children to the Viennese waltz. In each picture the women were holding hands and smiling widely, completely happy with their life together.

Stef looked over the pictures and felt tears well in her eyes as well. She looked up at Lena and saw just how sad she actually looked. She knew Lena was sorry for what she'd done and that it hadn't really meant anything but still she couldn't get past the ache she felt all the time. That nagging feeling that Lena hadn't come to her with whatever she was going through but instead chose to find comfort in something that didn't even have any meaning for her.

"I'm so sorry Stef." Lena finally said as Stef went through the pictures one more time, gently stroking her thumb over the image of Lena in a long flowing black gown. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know." Stef said, looking up at Lena with wet eyes. "I know you didn't."

"I need you to forgive me." Lena said. "I know I don't deserve it but I can't live without you Stef."

The waitress picked that moment to bring over their sandwiches and coffee which neither of them touched as they continued to look across the table at each other.

"I know I made a mistake." Lena continued. "But I need you to tell me what to do to make it up to you. I'll do whatever it takes."

"I love you Lena." Stef said. "I love you so much but I can't even begin to explain how broken I feel. It's nothing you can just fix. I need to get past it. I need to be able to look at you and not feel my heart break over and over again."

Lena cringed as she thought about what Stef had said. Even the sight of her was horrifying to Stef right now.

"Come here." Stef said when she saw the hurt look on Lena's face. She couldn't bear to see it there.

Lena quickly moved over to the other side of the table as Stef moved further into the booth giving her space.

"I want to get past this." Stef told her. "I promise you I do but I need to be okay with all this before I take that step otherwise it's not going to work. I'm not leaving you I'm just... taking a break." She tried to explain.

Lena nodded, feeling just a little bit relieved, at least Stef really did want to work through this. She could live with that and she'd wait for her.

"Where are the kids?" Stef asked as she pulled their sandwiches closer to them to eat. She only had another fifteen minutes before Mike was picking her up for their rounds of the city.

"They were out but I left some money and a note telling them to order pizza if they came home before dinner." Lena answered. "They're struggling too."

"I know, I talked to them today." Stef said. "I promised I'd come over for dinner whenever I'm not at work." She added, remembering Lena making that same request.

"Really?" Lena smiled.

"Yes." Stef said. "I'll be there."

"Tomorrow?" Lena asked.

"Yes, I'm working all night with Mike and then I'm off tomorrow." Stef said.

The mention of Mike made Lena silently thank him for coming through for her and having him partnered with Stef again. At least now she wouldn't worry as much while she was out. She wouldn't be with some rookie that hardly knew what he was doing.

"What would you like me to make?" Lena asked, hoping that small gestures like that would be appreciated.

Stef smiled. She could see Lena making an effort and decided to make the same effort herself. "How about salmon and grilled asparagus?" She suggested. It was one of the very first things Lena had ever cooked for her and Stef had absolutely loved it.

"Okay." Lena smiled back.

The two ate in silence for a while, sitting side by side, their arms brushing occasionally, just feeling a sense of relief at being together - even if it was just for a short while.

And all too soon Stef's phone buzzed indicating that Mike was waiting outside for her. She quickly paid for their dinner and climbed out of the booth behind Lena.

"Thanks for coming." Lena said, feeling so thankful that Stef had come at all.

"Of course." Stef said.

"Be careful out there." Lena added.

"I will." Stef promised as they made their way outside.

The two stood outside the cafe looking at each other for a moment and just before they were about to turn away Stef leaned in and gave Lena a quick peck on the lips.

"I'll see you for dinner tomorrow." Stef said before heading to the cruiser waiting for her.

Lena nodded as her heart swelled and tears filled her eyes yet again at the small gestures that Stef was making.


	8. Chapter 8

Over the next few days things got worse at home. Lena hadn't told the children anything that was going on between her and Stef because she didn't want to get their hopes up until something concrete was planned. They avoided most meals at home except the ones when Stef was going to be there and to ensure that they eat Lena gave them some money everyday for pizzas or burgers.

Brandon avoided the house as much as possible. He'd stay with his dad whenever Mike wasn't working but Mike seemed to be taking on double shifts just like Stef so it wasn't very often.

The twins were the most vocal about their anger towards Lena. Though Jesus had reined it in after his talk with Stef he still made it perfectly clear that he was upset with Lena for destroying their family. He did his homework and ate his meals and put his things away like he was supposed to but he avoided Lena whenever possible and only ate cereal for breakfast and sometimes for dinner as well.

Mariana was less inclined to hide her feelings and would openly disobey Lena. She'd leave her side of the room a mess, eat chips or cookies for dinner, come home only at curfew to avoid being there unnecessarily and yell at Lena if she said anything to her.

Callie and Jude were the only ones who weren't acting out though Lena could tell that even Jude was upset with her. He rarely spoke to her and avoided her just like the rest. Though he and Callie did eat whatever she made she knew he just did it because Callie told him to. Honestly, she wondered why Callie wasn't as upset with her as the others.

It wasn't like Lena to allow this behavior from her children, especially the unhealthy eating but she understood that they were struggling and, just like Stef, also needed some time to come to terms with what had happened and what it might mean from here. So as long as they were safe she allowed them their space. Mike made sure that Brandon had a proper meal and Callie would occasionally tell her what the others ate for dinner and all the kids started having the school lunch that was offered though they had to pay for it themselves since they weren't on the regular list. But at least it was a decent meal. They also ate dinner with Stef and Lena twice that week so she knew that those meals were set.

Lena also didn't mention any of this to Stef. Apart from not wanting her to lose her temper with the kids right now she didn't want to overburden Stef. She needed time and Lena was going to give her that time. The dinners at home had gone pretty well. The kids talked to Stef and told her what was going on which gave Lena also an insight into their lives.

Stef and Lena had also met a few more times, sometimes at the house and other times at the cafe. They were talking more and Stef was beginning to understand a little of what Lena had been going through. Lena was finding it hard to explain why she felt like she couldn't confide in Stef about everything after losing the baby and exactly how her night with Kate had helped but Stef was keeping an open mind and willing to at least listen to what Lena had to say.

As a result things were also going better for Stef at work, she was more relaxed and able to focus better and finish her work faster. She wasn't spending as much time rewriting reports that she'd messed up and had more time to spend with the kids instead. She would meet them after school and take them for ice-cream or donuts and then drive them back home before heading into work.

So for Stef things were definitely looking up until she got a frantic call from Lena at ten thirty on Friday night to say that Mariana had left.

* * *

><p>"Where are you going?" Lena asked from the couch at ten-thirty on Friday when she saw Mariana coming down the stairs in a rather short dress with a low cut neckline.<p>

"Out." Mariana said, as though one of her siblings had asked the question.

Lena instantly got up and followed Mariana to the door holding it firmly shut. "Absolutely not." Lena said clearly, making sure Mariana understood that it wasn't a choice.

"I don't have to listen to you." Mariana yelled as she tried to pull the door open again, causing the other kids to come downstairs.

"Yes, you do." Lena replied firmly. "And I am definitely not letting you out of the house at ten thirty dressed like that."

It was the first time Lena had actually told one of her kids something directly and suddenly she was regretting letting things slide the entire week for the very next statement that came out of Mariana's mouth was not something Lena expected at all.

"Why? Are you afraid I'll start sleeping around with random people?" Mariana asked snidely.

Lena had been so shocked as tears filled her eyes as she stared at Mariana and then glanced at the other kids all standing on the steps watching. The older boys looked completely unsympathetic, Jude looked a little afraid and Callie looked sorry for Lena.

While Lena was getting over her shock Mariana quickly slipped out of the house and disappeared down the street. Lena couldn't even figure out which way she'd gone so she couldn't follow her. A few moments later she snapped out of it and turned to her other kids as she grabbed her cellphone from the coffee table.

"Where did she go?" She asked angrily, making sure the kids knew she wasn't playing around and wanted answers.

"I don't know." Callie answered truthfully.

Jesus looked down at his feet making Lena certain that he had some answers.

"Jesus." Lena said as she dialed Stef's number and hoped that she was able to pick up and not busy at work.

"Hayley said Kaitlyn was having a party tonight since her parents were out." Jesus finally answered, more because he was worried about Mariana rather than giving Lena what she wanted.

"Stef." Lena said in relief when her wife picked up the phone. "Mariana went to some party at Kaitlyn's house."

"What?" Stef asked. "When?"

"Right now." Lena answered. "She left the house and Jesus told me where she might be headed."

"What's the address?" Stef asked knowing that Lena had a school directory at home, as she began putting things away and getting ready to get her daughter.

Lena quickly gave Stef the address and Stef promised to bring her back. They hung up the phone and Lena looked at her children in complete disappointment, both at herself as well as at them.

The house wasn't too far from Stef's station so she knew she'd probably be there before Mariana if she was walking. She pulled up to the house and saw a few people moving around inside with loud music blasting through the window.

As soon as she pulled over she pulled out her phone to try calling Mariana but the phone rang until it went to voicemail. Stef then called Lena back.

"I'm outside, I'm waiting five minutes to see if she shows up and then I'm going in." Stef told Lena. "If she's walking then it'll take her that long to get here."

"I'm sorry Stef, I should have stopped her." Lena said regretfully. "She just..."But she trailed off, not wanting to admit that she'd hurt her with her comment.

"She what Lena?" Stef asked, knowing instantly that things weren't as they seemed.

"She just took me by surprise." Lena answered.

The kids had all gone back upstairs and she was sitting anxiously in the living room waiting for Stef and Mariana to come home.

"What's going on Lena?" Stef asked, wanting to know the truth.

"They've just been doing their own thing." Lena finally admitted. "They don't eat here, they are hardly home, Brandon's been staying with Mike whenever he isn't working and they basically avoid me as much as they can."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Stef asked. "They were all home last night and they said things were okay at home."

"They stay whenever you're here for dinner but otherwise they won't eat if I cook." Lena replied. "If Callie makes breakfast they eat but I don't want to put that pressure on her so I give them cash for school lunch and something for dinner. Callie's the only one who's really been helping around the house and she'll tell me where they are and when they're going to be late."

"Why on earth didn't you tell me Lena?" Stef asked.

"I didn't want to." Lena said. "I understand that they are angry with me, I'm angry with me too and you already had so much to deal with and I worry now that you're working so many extra shifts. I didn't think it would get this bad. So far they've been safe, just distant."

"Well we are talking to them tonight." Stef said firmly. "This is not going to continue. Things aren't exactly easy right now but that's not an excuse." She was upset with the kids and upset with Lena for not telling her earlier.

"She's here Lena, we'll be home soon." Stef said, hanging up as she saw Mariana walking down the sidewalk in an outfit she wouldn't even allow her to wear out of the house during the day.


	9. Chapter 9

"Where do you think you're going?" Stef asked stepping out of the car that Mariana was quickly walking past without really noticing.

The girl suddenly froze in her tracks as she looked at her mother's angry face.

"Um..." Mariana tried to find an explanation but knew it was pointless.

"Get in the car please." Stef said in a firm tone, showing that she was clearly not happy.

Once Stef began driving Mariana wrapped her arms around herself both to warm herself up in the cool night air as well as to hide what she was wearing from her mother. Stef glanced silently at her daughter and sighed as she pulled over, unbuttoned her police shirt and wrapped it around Mariana's bare shoulders. Mariana smiled gratefully though guiltily at her mother as Stef continued the short drive home in silence.

* * *

><p>When Lena saw the lights pull up into their driveway she heaved a sigh of relief and rushed to the door in time to see Mariana get out of the car wrapped tightly in Stef's shirt and Stef looking firm but tired in her black t-shirt that she always wore under her uniform.<p>

Mariana entered the house without saying a word to Lena and just as she was heading towards the stairs Stef stopped her.

"You have exactly five minutes to get into your pajamas and get your brothers and sister down into the living room." Stef said firmly before heading into the living room with Lena in tow.

* * *

><p>Less than five minutes later all the kids were downstairs sitting around the living room. Stef and Lena were sitting together on the couch, Callie and Jude on one chair, Jesus and Mariana on the other and Brandon on the coffee table.<p>

"So mama tells me that you guys have been behaving very badly." Stef started and looked around at all the faces looking back at her. "She says you've been skipping meals at home or only eating junk, staying out all day, leaving things around the house and being very disrespectful."

"But we were taking your side." Jesus said in defense.

"There are no sides." Stef said, unconsciously taking Lena's hand in her own. "We may be going through something right now but she is still your mother and she deserves respect." Stef said. "The rules you have to follow are ones we have set together and they don't just disappear when we aren't around."

"We didn't break any rules." Brandon said. "We just bent them."

"Staying at your father's house after I told you not to is breaking the rules my friend." Stef said, surprising Brandon. "And so is leaving the house after curfew, eating junk for meals and being rude to your mother."

"She didn't seem to care." Jesus mumbled under his breath.

"Oh she did care." Stef said. "She was just trying to give you your space but when it became dangerous she had to put a stop to it." She said, eying Mariana.

"But she made you leave and that makes me mad..." Jude spoke up for the first time but Callie gave him a nudge making him stop.

"Go ahead Jude." Stef said, looking at Callie warningly, telling her to leave him alone.

"Nothing." Jude said, looking down at his hands.

"Jude." Stef said firmly, making the boy look back up at her.

"We were just mad because she made you leave." He said softly, glancing at Lena to gauge her reaction.

"I understand that." Stef said. "I am mad at her myself but if I can be polite and respectful towards her so can you." She said. "She made a mistake but we have all made mistakes that have affected this family and each time we have forgiven and worked through it and we are going to do that now as well."

"But you haven't forgiven." Mariana said. "You're still living somewhere else."

"I am." Stef agreed. "But I'm doing it so that I can get over my hurt and anger so that we don't keep fighting about it. But I still listen to mama when she calls me, I eat the dinners that she cooks when I'm here and I find the time to meet her when she needs to talk." Stef reminded them. "She is still your mother and she loves you very much, even when you're angry with her and say things that hurt her. But it is still her job to protect you and keep you safe and that includes making sure you eat well and are home at a reasonable hour."

"I'm sorry." Mariana finally said. "I just wanted her to know how mad I was." She admitted. "I never planned to go to the party at first."

"I know you guys are mad at me and hate me right now." Lena said before Stef could respond. "Believe me I understand that, I hate myself just as much but I love you all so much and I love mom too. I hate what I did to her and I'm trying to make up for it." Tears filled her eyes and Stef tightened her grip on her hand causing Lena to grab it with her other hand as well for extra support.

"I'm sorry too." Jude said, feeling suddenly very guilty. He didn't really hate Lena but he was just upset that she was the reason that their family was split right now.

"Me too." The two older boys said together.

"We don't hate you." Jesus said. "We're just mad."

Lena gave him a grateful smile as he got off the chair to give Lena a hug, soon followed by the rest of the kids.

"Alright, it's late, everyone in bed please." Stef said at eleven forty. "You all get to do extra chores around the house this week to make up for all the mess you made and Mariana, you're on dish and laundry duty all week long and if I ever see you dressed in something like that again you will be in more trouble than you've ever been in before."

The kids groaned but they knew they deserved it. They quickly climbed up the stairs and within moments the upstairs was completely quiet.

* * *

><p>"Are you going back to work?" Lena asked.<p>

"No, I'm off in twenty minutes anyways." Stef said as she rubbed her eyes in exhaustion. It had been a long day and after breaking up a fight between two drunks she had just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep but instead she had to go out looking for her wayward daughter.

"Can I get you something to eat?" Lena asked. "I still have some of last night's roast."

"No love." Stef said. "I just need to get to bed."

Lena nodded and took a breath before she made Stef an offer. "You can stay here. I can sleep on the couch."

Stef smiled but shook her head.

"Stef you're exhausted." Lena sighed. "You're overworking yourself."

"Beats sitting in that apartment." Stef joked halfheartedly.

"Then come home." Lena said pleadingly.

"I still need some time Lena." Stef said apologetically. "It's still so raw and what I said to the kids was true, I need to be able to look at you and not hurt and I don't want to keep arguing with you which will happen if I'm here all the time."

Lena nodded sadly in understanding. "Will you be here for dinner tomorrow?" She asked.

"No, I'm working a double shift again but I'm off on Sunday so I'll come for lunch and dinner okay." She compromised.

"Okay." Lena said as Stef picked up her shirt from where Mariana had draped it over the staircase railing when she came back downstairs.

"See you." Stef said with a smile.

"Bye." Lena said and watched as Stef walked to her car and drove away.

* * *

><p>Things got a whole lot better after that. Stef made sure to come around more often and the kids made an effort to at least respect Lena if not entirely forgive her and as a treat Lena made a raspberry cheesecake for dessert on Sunday, something she knew all the kids and Stef loved.<p>

Stef came over in time for lunch on Sunday and stayed through till dinner. The longest she had spent at the house in a week. They played board games and watched a movie and played basket ball outside and things really seemed like they were going back to normal. The only thing left was for Stef to move back.

But things suddenly took a turn for the worse on Monday when Jesus and Jude walked towards Lena's office to ask her if they could go to the skatepark after school but found her leaving her office with Kate.


	10. Chapter 10

About an hour earlier Lena had been sitting at her desk going over report cards that had to be sent out soon when her secretary knocked on the door telling her someone was there to see her. She waited while the secretary brought the woman in and she held her breath when she saw Kate standing behind her.

"Kate." Lena said in surprise, never expecting to see the woman again.

"Hi Lena." Kate said, entering her office, realizing that Lena was probably too shocked to invite her in.

"What are you doing here?" Lena asked, finally pulling out a chair for Kate.

"I'm heading back tomorrow morning and I just wanted to apologize to you for coming down here unannounced and making such a huge mess for you and to your wife for... well, sleeping with you."." Kate began.

"No." Lena stopped her. "I'm the one that's to blame, not you but I'll tell Stef that you came by."

"Yeah but we hadn't exchanged any contact information so I really shouldn't have just appeared like that." Kate said, remembering her impulsive decision to find Lena.

"How did you even know I'd be here on a Saturday?" Lena asked.

"I didn't." Kate said. I just drove by the school to check it out and saw the kids and the sign for the wrestling match and took a chance." She explained. "Definitely wasn't expecting to find what I did." She joked good naturally."

Lena nodded in understanding. "Sorry about that." She said. "It's been a really hard few months."

"You said you lost your daughter?" Kate asked, remembering Lena's hurried explanation before she sent Kate out the door.

"I was five months pregnant." Lena said.

"I'm sorry." Kate said sympathetically. "That must have been hard."

"Then I made the mistake of not letting Stef help me through." Lena continued to explain. "I just wanted to bury it and make it go away."

"I'd want that too." Kate said. "I couldn't even imagine going through something like that."

"That was what that night was about." Lena said. "Forgetting it all."

"I get that." Kate nodded. "I do it often, drinking, partying, pretending I'm not struggling to get by."

"How are things at home?" Kate asked.

"Better I think." Lena said. "But sometimes I still feel like we're treading water. She moved out and while things seem like she's forgiving me and getting past it, she still won't move back yet."

"It hasn't been very long." Kate said, trying to give Lena some encouragement. "I'm sure she just needs time."

"That's what she says." Lena said sadly. "What are you planning now?" She asked, changing the subject.

"I'm not sure." Kate answered. "Get a better paying job for starters." She said.

"Why don't you go back to school?" Lena suggested. "You're still young and you don't have any family commitments, you could do night school and get a degree and then you can do something you really love."

"I enjoy designing jewelry and clothes." Kate said. "I'm pretty good at it too."

"Well go do some courses, get certified and it'll make a huge difference." Lena encouraged, always one for promoting education.

"Maybe I'll look into that." Kate smiled, suddenly feeling very optimistic. "I'll figure that out first and get a job to work around it."

"Good luck." Lena said smiling. "I hope things work out for you."

"Thanks." Kate smiled, standing up. "I hope things work for you too."

The two women smiled at each other for a moment, once again not exchanging any contact information, knowing that they'd never meet again. Then Lena walked Kate to the door just in time to see her two younger sons walking towards her, stop in their tracks at the sight of Kate and then take off down a hallway away from her.

* * *

><p>The moment the boys noticed Kate Jesus grabbed Jude's hand and pulled I'm down a hallway away from Lena. He heard her call out to them but he refused to stop. Stef kept defending Lena and telling them how they needed to respect her and Lena was still seeing Kate behind her back. He couldn't believe it, he had to tell his mom. He felt she deserved the truth. He finally stopped running when he was far on the beach and when he turned to look at Jude the boy was panting with tears in his eyes.<p>

"Hey, it's gonna be okay." Jesus tried to comfort his brother.

"Stef will never come home now." Jude said miserably. "And with only one mom Callie will get sent to the Quinn's."

Jesus sighed, unsure of what to say. He supposed that Jude was right - no court would give custody to a single foster parent over a wealthy, capable, biological parent. He decided the best thing to do would be to call Stef and let her know what was going on. She'd know what to do."

* * *

><p>Lena constantly tried Stef. She knew Jesus wouldn't pick up his phone and would probably call Stef himself and she wanted a chance to explain. But Stef's phone kept going into voicemail and Lena just knew that she was avoiding her calls. She could just imagine how mad she must be as she left message after message begging her to let her explain.<p>

When she tried Stef for the tenth time and still got voicemail she decided to call the station and see if Stef was at work.

"I'm sorry Lena." Roberts said. "She got off about an hour ago."

Lena sighed as she walked to her car, wondering how many of her kids Jesus had told so far. She figured they all knew when not one of them was waiting for a ride home. On impulse Lena decided to go down to Stef's new apartment and try and talk to her. She didn't know exactly where it was but she had an idea so she hoped she'd be able to find it easily. Stef had described the building and mentioned an empty factory opposite so it wouldn't be too hard to find.

But Lena was wrong for once she got to the area there was so many streets with so many empty buildings all over. The place was rundown and dirty. People kept watching her as she drove down and she realized that no cars were even close to her Prius. She momentarily remembered Stef's warning about not coming down here and wondered if she should just turn back but her need to talk to Stef trumped her fears.

She found a building that somewhat resembled what Stef described and decided to have a look. She found a parking spot on the main road and walked down towards the building she'd found. She climbed the stairs and knocked on both doors of the first floor but both were occupied by other people. Lena sighed and decided to walk around looking for the building. With all the people rushing around and the kids playing on the streets she was spending more time avoiding them than looking for the building while driving. She walked down to the end of the street and then turned left, to walk down the next but after about fifteen minutes of hunting she was no closer to knowing where Stef was. She kept trying to call her but Stef's phone continued to ring until it went into voicemail.

Lena knew people were watching her. She was still wearing the knee length skirt she'd worn to school and her jewelry and purse didn't help much either. She was definitely not dressed like someone they saw very often. Even Stef was more casual when it came to clothes so she probably fit in a lot easier. She decided to just get back to her car and get out of here before her luck ran out and someone tried to do something to her. She walked quickly back to her car, not even bothering to look for the building anymore but when she got there she became extremely afraid - her tires were slashed, her windows broken and the word 'whore' was painted across the side in big, red letters.

Lena glanced around but couldn't figure out who had done it. People were watching her but none of them seemed to have anything to do with it. A few looked amused while others looked sympathetic but none approached her - something Lena was grateful for.

She quickly walked to the end of the street towards the homeless shelter, thinking that would be the safest place to wait and called for a cab. In less than ten minutes the cab showed up, Lena jumped in and finally felt safe as he drove her back home.

* * *

><p>When she got home all the kids were there but none of them spoke to her nor did they ask her why she didn't have her car. She headed straight up to her room to call a tow company and have them get her car before Stef saw it. Somehow she just knew that if Stef found out she'd be more than just angry. She groaned out loud when they informed her that they were backlogged and would only get to it sometime during the following day.<p>

Lena headed back downstairs where Callie, Mariana and Jude were in the kitchen making dinner, Brandon was sitting at the kitchen island working on something and Jesus was nowhere to be found. She could see the angry look on all their faces. Even Callie looked a little uncertain though she was trying to hide it. Jude refused to look at her and so did Mariana and Brandon just gave her a dirty glare. She decided not to tell them about going to find Stef but try and explain why she was with Kate.

"Guys." She began but before the word even left her mouth Mariana got up and left the room with Brandon and Jude following suit. Callie turned back to frying her chicken strips, nervousness clearly visible on her face.

Lena felt like crying as she headed back upstairs and dialed her father - he'd be the only one even willing to talk to her right now and he'd help her figure this out. She couldn't believe how much of a mess she was in.

* * *

><p>Stef had finished work and headed to the laundromat to do some laundry and then across the parking lot to the grocery store for some supplies for her apartment. Her phone had died sometime while she was out patrolling. She did the laundry and bought her groceries and it was almost six by the time she got back in to head home. She was mindlessly driving when suddenly a car caught her attention. She stopped and reversed a bit to have a better look and sure enough she found Lena's car a complete mess and no Lena to be found.<p>

Suddenly panicking she raced down towards her own building but when she didn't find Lena there either she drove straight home. She cursed herself for not having charged her phone that morning so that it lasted through the day but right now she just needed to make sure that Lena was alright.

"LENA!" She practically screamed as she threw the door open and rushed inside. "LENA!"

Lena rushed down the stairs and so did the three kids that were upstairs while the other two appeared from the living room.

"Lena?" Stef said in relief as her eyes gazed over her wife's body looking for any sign of injury, though there didn't seem to be any.

"I guess you saw the car." Lena whispered, knowing instantly what had gotten Stef so worried.

Stef's jaw dropped. Was that all Lena had to say? What the hell was she doing down there in the first place? "Why were you there Lena?" She finally managed to ask.

"I just needed you to let me explain." Lena began. "It wasn't what it looked like."

"What wasn't?" Stef asked. "Explain what?"

Lena was momentarily taken aback, she was sure her son would have called Stef by now. "Didn't Jesus tell you?" She asked, glancing back at him.

"Tell me what?" Stef asked, also turning to her son.

"It went to voicemail." Jesus explained. "I didn't want to leave that in a message."

"Leave what?" Stef asked again, completely confused. "What the hell is going on?"

"I thought you were avoiding my calls." Lena explained but suddenly realized that Stef still didn't know what she was talking about. "Kate came to see me, to apologize to both of us." She said. "Jesus and Jude saw her and got the wrong idea and when you didn't answer your phone I thought you were avoiding me."

"And for _that_ you came down looking for me?" Stef said, making it clear that even if there was something going on she didn't want Lena in that area, especially alone.

"I needed to explain Stef." Lena said miserably. "I know it's not a safe place, but I just couldn't wait. But I'm fine, I promise. I wasn't even there when they wrecked the car."

The kids were beginning to figure out what had happened and realized just how honest Stef had been when she said she never wanted any of them down there ever. They had asked multiple times to at least be taken to see the apartment but Stef had refused each and every time, and now they were beginning to understand why.

"Where were you?" Stef asked, wondering why Lena would have even gotten out of the car so far from the apartment.

"Looking for your building." Lena answered. "I couldn't find it and when I noticed people beginning to stare at me I rushed back to the car but by then it was already wrecked."

"And you didn't call the police?" Stef asked angrily.

"I took a cab home." Lena explained. "I was hoping to have it towed before you saw it." She said honestly.

"What?" Stef asked, annoyance mixed with surprise. When had Lena started to keep so many things from her and more importantly why?

"I just didn't want you to get even more mad at me." Lena said. "Especially since I though you knew about Kate."

"Why all the secrets Lena?" Stef asked miserably. She was now feeling relieved that Lena was completely okay and so the hurt was resurfacing. "We were never like this. We told each other everything."

"I know." Lena said looking down. She couldn't explain it but lately she'd done nothing but disappoint Stef - starting with not telling her about the pre-natal vitamins.

"I can't believe this." Stef said. "And I can't believe you'd risk your life over this." She was still so shocked at seeing Lena's car completely ruined in an area it should never have been in in the first place.

"You go there everyday Stef." Lena tried to reason. "I didn't think it would be that bad."

"I CAN PROTECT MYSELF LENA." Stef said angrily. "I'M A FUCKING COP, IT'S WHAT I DO." She cursed, trying so desperately to get her point across.

"I KNOW." Lena yelled back. She was angry too - that Stef was staying in a place like that. She may be a cop but she was still only one woman who could easily be ganged up on. "BUT COP OR NOT YOU CAN STILL GET HURT." She began to cry, terrified that something would happen to Stef. "You got shot remember? You were a cop then too, with your god damn gun but it didn't help much did it?" She said softly.

"It's not the same." Stef said, calming down a bit as well. "These people aren't looking for a fight. They know that if they stay out of my way I'll stay out of theirs."

"It doesn't matter Stef." Lena said. Somehow the entire topic had changed but neither seemed to notice but the kids were still looking on with interest, wondering what was going to happen. "Look I know you can take care of yourself but you can't stay there. We'll work things out financially but just move to a better apartment please." Lena begged.

Stef looked at Lena for a moment. She could see the worry and the fear in her face and the love in her eyes. Things really weren't working out the way they were supposed to. Stef couldn't go on like this, knowing she was the reason that Lena was so afraid. "Why do I need an apartment when I have a perfectly good bed right here?" She asked softly with a small smile and watched in amusement as the words sank in and Lena realized what she'd said.

"Really?" Lena asked, not fully believing what she'd heard.

"Yes, really." Stef smiled.

Lena couldn't believe it and within moments she was in Stef's arms and the two were surrounded by the kids. Everyone was so relieved that Stef was coming home. Things would finally go back to normal.

"There's a reason I told you not to come there." Stef said, still holding Lena tight.

"I know, I'm sorry." Lena said, looking up at her, tears in her eyes.

"I love you Lena." Stef said, full of raw emotion. "If something had happened to you I'd never forgive myself."

"It's not your fault." Lena told her. "You warned me about that place."

"I did." Stef said, wishing Lena had heeded her warning. "No more secrets."

"Never." Lena smiled at her. "Kate came to see me." She repeated, as a gesture of not keeping secrets.

"So I heard." Stef said.

"And I have to go get my car towed tomorrow." Lena added.

"I'll do that." Stef said.

"It's gonna cost a fortune to fix." Lena said guiltily.

"Well, we'll be saving on rent right." Stef teased, trying to make her feel less guilty.

"Yes." Lena smiled. That one thought was enough to make anything worth it.

The two held each other again for a few more minutes with all the kids around until Mariana piped up.

"We should celebrate." The young girl suggested. "That little Italian place you used to go to when you first met."

"Oh ya." Both Brandon and Jesus said together.

"We haven't been there in ages." Jesus added.

"I remember going all the time when I was little." Brandon added. "They have the best mac and cheese."

"Gross." Mariana cringed at the thought. "That's for six year olds." She complained, wanting something more grown up herself.

"I was six years old." Brandon laughed.

"Alright." Stef said. "You have fifteen minutes to go get ready if you want dinner."

Soon all the kids had disappeared leaving the two moms together once again for a few minutes.

"I love you." Lena said, hoping Stef knew how much, in spite of all that had happened.

"I love you too." Stef replied. "I never stopped."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

That's the end of this story. I hope you guys liked it. I loved writing it and I owe a big shout out to Fosterfanaticcc1 for letting me write it though it was her idea.

Also a huge thank you to Lacorra for helping me out with things I don't know about the States, she really makes my research a whole lot easier.

There are going to be two more chapters - one shots - the first of Stef and Lena's first night back together (my first attempt at writing an erotic chapter so bear with me - also the reason that this story is rated M) and the second a request by a guest where Callie bonds with Lena.

Some people feel like I didn't stick to the character's personalities but I don't agree with them. I feel each one acted in exactly the right way considering the circumstances. The whole thing is fiction after all.

But thanks so much for the support and for the amazing reviews. None were bad like the ones going around lately, I even stopped moderating them (something I hated doing).

Not sure what I'll do next but for now these two one shots are coming up as chapters 11 and 12.

Once again thanks for the great reviews, keep writing I look forward to it.

Love Junebug.


	11. Chapter 11

It was late when they got home from dinner and Stef sent the kids straight to bed since it was a school night. It had been an exciting evening with lots of laughs and smiles - everyone happy that their family was finally back together again.

Stef went to tuck each of her kids in - something she didn't do very often anymore now that they weren't so little but tonight seemed like a night for it, while Lena headed to her room to brush her teeth and get ready for bed. She hadn't anticipated anything to happen between her and Stef. She figured Stef would still need more time for that but just as she finished dressing and began stripping the bed of the numerous pillows she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist and pull her back.

Lena leaned into the hug and tilted her head back onto Stef's shoulder and Stef kissed the side of her face. "I was terrified this would never happen again." Lena murmured in pleasure.

"That was very unlikely." Stef said. "I can't live without you. I'd always come back, unless you didn't want me."

"Never." Lena said. "I can never not want you. Even then I wanted you." She said, referring to that fateful night that had started it all.

Stef smiled as she continued to kiss her way down from Lena's temple to her neck and felt Lena completely relax against her. "God I missed this." She said as her hand began to wander over Lena's pajamas.

"You have no idea." Lena replied. She had wondered often if Stef would ever be the last person to ever touch her again. The thought that it would be Kate for the rest of her life wasn't something she could accept easily. She always wanted it to be Stef and she was so lucky that she was getting this second chance.

Stef slowly unbuttoned two of Lena's pajama top buttons and slipped her hands inside desperately needing the skin contact. But the moment her hands reached Lena's breasts things began to speed up, both of them needing it to happen immediately. Lena tried to turn around but Stef's hands in her still partially buttoned top made it impossible so together they quickly undid the rest of the buttons and slipped off the top and Lena finally turned so she was holding Stef as well.

Stef, still in her dinner clothes was also wearing a button-down shirt and together they undid those buttons as well and then Lena slipped her hands around Stef and unhooked her bra until finally the two were both topless, holding each other.

Stef then pushed Lena back against the bed until she was lying down and yanked Lena pants and panties down before pulling off her own jeans and underwear and climbing on top of Lena, kissing her lips, face and neck as Lena's hands roamed her back.

Stef had a plan, she knew what she wanted to do and she was ready to get on with it. She kissed her way down Lena's body, gently nipping and kissing each nipple until Lena moaned slightly before continuing down. When she got to the soft, brown curls at the apex of Lena's legs she inhaled deeply, desperate for that scent that she had missed so much for more than just the week she'd moved out.

Lena couldn't even describe what she was thinking as she felt Stef's warm breath at her center. She was so overcome with emotion that she honestly couldn't even believe it was really happening - something that they had done over a thousand times before felt suddenly more like a 'once in a lifetime' opportunity.

Stef gently kissed Lena's slit, knowing that Lena was sensitive. She didn't plan on staying so gentle but she was willing to start out so. As she heard Lena moan she parted her lips with her thumbs and gently licked the little nub hidden beneath the folds until Lena squirmed slightly beneath her. Stef then moved on. She could feel Lena getting wet and ready for her so she moved even lower and with her tongue, entered her as her fingers moved to take over where her tongue had been.

Lena was in heaven. Over the last eleven years Stef had learned exactly what she liked and didn't, where she liked it and how hard and she had become an absolute expert and was currently using all her expertise to give Lena everything she wanted.

Stef continued, going harder and harder until she knew Lena wouldn't be able to take it anymore. She wasn't being very gentle but at the same time she still wanted Lena to actually enjoy it and from her moans and squirms Stef could tell that she currently was. As she continued to use her tongue, lips and fingers to pleasure Lena she felt her getting closer - her body began to tense under Stef and she was holding her breath - something she did to keep from being too loud. Stef shifted position slightly so she could see Lena as she continued to bring her over the edge and watched as the tension built up and she finally went over the edge. Stef slowed down to help her ride out the waves but the moment Lena was able to relax and catch her breath again Stef had other ideas. She shifted herself so she was lying next to Lena, one hand lost in her hair, turning her head to face her while the other one moved from her now swollen nub down and into Lena where she began again, focusing on the one spot that could actually, on occasion, make Lena yell out her name. Stef made sure Lena was facing her so that the moment Lena got too loud she could muffle the sounds with a kiss but until then Stef stayed back, preferring to watch Lena instead.

Lena couldn't believe what Stef was doing. She knew what the risks were and she knew that Stef knew them too and so they never did this if the kids were home, or anyone for that matter. But right now Stef was driving her wild and she wasn't sure how long she could control herself. Stef was focusing on one spot that Lena could barely even touch herself on the rare occasion that Stef wasn't around to do it for her, and while she was a little worried about waking the kids, she was thoroughly enjoying it. Stef knew exactly what to do and how far to go and Lena was losing focus as the pleasure took over. Having already just had an orgasm she was overly sensitive and she knew Stef was enjoying taking her to this new height.

"Stef." Lena tried to whisper as soft as she could as she stared at the woman driving her crazy.

"Shh." Stef whispered, staring back at her with a mixture of love and lust as her fingers never once faltered.

"You're doing this on purpose." Lena said. She could see the playful gleam in Stef's eyes, knowing exactly what she was doing to the woman beside her.

"I am." Stef said. "Just relax, let go." She encouraged as her fingers gently stroked through Lena's hair.

"It's too risky." Lena said, holding her breath for a second as she tried to control herself though she could feel herself losing the battle.

"It's not." Stef promised. "Just trust me. Let go."

Lena looked at her for a moment more, trying to judge whether Stef could really help her stay in control before she finally just let go as her body actually shook with the pressure and sensations.

"Son of a gun." Lena managed before Stef's lips were on hers, pressing hard into a kiss that was sure to mute any sounds that she made as Lena rode the waves. This time Stef didn't slow down, she kept going for as long as Lena was up there. She felt Lena arch her back in pleasure and gripped her tighter in order to help her along, never letting go of the kiss though she knew they both would soon need to catch their breath.

But a few seconds later it was over, Lena was finally coming down and Stef mercifully slowed and softened her touch until Lena was finally still and panting beside her. Her eyes had been scrunched up tight as she went through the orgasm but now that she was finally able to breath again she opened them and Stef was surprised by what she saw.

Tears came pouring down Lena's face as she was finally relaxed enough to let them fall. She turned her head to look at Stef and noticed the shocked expression on her face and began to quickly wipe them away as she began laughing in embarrassment.

"Well, that's never happened before." Stef teased lightly when she realized that Lena wasn't in any pain or discomfort.

"I'm sorry." Lena said, still trying to get the tears under control. "I just feel so relieved that this happened. I was so scared that..." But she didn't want to voice it. She didn't want to actually say the words 'Kate would always be my last', not right after this at least.

"Scared of what?" Stef encouraged her, wanting her to feel free to say anything, determined to get back to the place where Lena never thought twice about telling her what she was thinking.

Lena could see the desperation in Stef - needing to know the truth, to know that Lena was being honest with her. "I was scared that you'd never again be my last." She finally admitted, rephrasing the statement so that Kate's name never came up.

"It's over now Lena." Stef said gently, knowing that Lena still felt guilty and probably would for a while. "I forgive you, I know it wasn't planned nor did it mean anything. I understand that you were going through something even you couldn't quite control." She said, letting Lena know that she never even pretended to know what Lena was feeling after losing Frankie. "I do understand and I do forgive you. Now you need to forgive yourself." She said.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you Stef." Lena said.

"I know." Stef said. "But it only hurt so bad because I love you so much." Stef told her. "You are my whole world Lena."

"And you're mine." Lena answered. "No one else even comes close." She promised. "And I'm an authority on that." She said, referring to knowing what it's like to be with someone else but still using it as a way to build a bridge between them.

"Stef smirked down at her as she repositioned herself so she was lying on her back so Lena could come an snuggle into her with her head on her shoulder. She knew Lena would not have the energy to reciprocate tonight but she didn't care - she'd done what she wanted and reminded Lena that she was there and that nothing had changed between them. Unconsciously she'd reminded herself the same thing as well.

As the two snuggled together Stef played with Lena's curls, thankful that she still had her to do so as she drifted off to sleep, finally feeling relaxed and relieved to be back in her own bed with the love of her life by her side.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

I have another request to do one where Stef cheats on Lena. I know some of you feel that that is more realistic but really I disagree. I feel Stef is much more devoted to Lena than Lena is to Stef. I'm not saying they don't love each other to pieces but Stef just goes out of her way to give Lena whatever she wants and I just don't see her cheating so I'm honestly not sure how to even make that work.


	12. Chapter 12

Lena lay awake for hours just watching Stef sleep. She looked so peaceful - almost like the past week had never happened and in that moment Lena realized just how much Stef truly loved her - enough to forgive her so completely for what she'd done, with absolutely no consequences.

The the thoughts just wouldn't stop spinning through Lena's mind and more than once she found herself itching to reach out and comb her fingers through Stef's blond locks, shining golden in the pale moonlight. She decided to get out of bed so that Stef could sleep without being disturbed.

She headed downstairs and reclined on the couch with a mug of milk and honey - something her mother would give her as a child when she couldn't sleep.

* * *

><p>Callie couldn't sleep either. It was a habit that had lessened in the year she'd lived with the Fosters but still, occasionally, sleep eluded her. She headed downstairs to get some fresh air in the back yard that would help her go back to sleep but a voice distracted her.<p>

"Callie?" Lena whispered into the dark when she saw her daughter head down the stairs.

"Um, yeah." Callie said, a frown on her face when she saw Lena.

"Can't sleep?" Lena asked, knowing that Callie had these nights.

"I thought you guys worked things out." Callie said, completely oblivious to Lena's question.

"What?" Lena asked confused.

"Why are you sleeping on the couch?" Callie finally asked. Through dinner things had seemed completely normal between her mom's and she had honestly believed that they were fine but now, seeing Lena on the couch made her wonder if it wasn't as okay as she'd imagined.

"Oh." Lena said in understanding. "I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake mom."

Callie looked skeptically back at her until Lena held a hand out for Callie to sit beside her.

"We're okay sweetheart." Lena assured her daughter. "She didn't kick me out. She wouldn't anyways. If she didn't want to sleep in the same bed she'd have taken the couch."

"That sounds like her." Callie smiled, finally relaxing a bit into her mother.

"You are so much like her you know." Lena said. "I sometimes look at you and imagine Stef as a feisty sixteen year old."

"She said that to me once." Callie said, loving that thought.

The two sat in silence for a few moments just enjoying the quiet and the comfort of each other until Callie turned to Lena.

"I'm glad you guys worked it out." She said. "I've never met anyone like you. You belong together."

Lena smiled. She liked that - belonging to Stef. The girl in front of her amazed her so much - supporting her even when things were difficult.

"You've been a big help this past week you know that." Lena said to her daughter. "You really helped me out. I know you were upset and angry but you did it anyways." After a moment she asked the question that had been plaguing her for a while. "Why?" She asked.

"You're my mom." Callie answered with a shrug.

"I'm everyone else's mom too." Lena pointed out.

Callie sighed. Lena was always one to dig until she got to the bottom of things. There was really no use in even trying to drop it.

"You took a chance on me when I kept making mistakes." Callie said. "I know Stef loves me with all her heart but you brought me home." Callie explained. "You took a chance on me even though everything pointed to just leaving me there. You knew Stef would be upset for a while and that I wouldn't be the easiest to handle but you took a chance anyways."

"There's more to you than just your past you know." Lena answered. "You may try to show a tough exterior but your eyes tend to tell a different story."

"My eyes?" Callie asked, having never heard something like that before.

"Yes." Lena smiled. "You looked like you didn't care if you went to a group home but your eyes begged me to give you a chance. Even when you were sitting in my kitchen, upsetting everyone with your comments we knew it was just your way of protecting yourself."

"Not many people would have looked that hard." Callie said, remembering how she'd basically labeled everyone in the house that night. "And even if they did see it they wouldn't do much about it."

"That's their loss." Lena told her. "Because all those foster parents missed out on getting to know a wonderful, loving, beautiful girl and I for one am thankful because it means that I get to keep you."

Callie didn't know if she wanted to laugh or cry. She wanted Lena to be able to keep her but she knew that her biological father was also fighting for custody and with all his money there was a good chance he'd win.

Lena could sense what her daughter was thinking. "Whatever happens you'll still be our daughter." She told the girl. "Just like Brandon is still Mike's son even though he doesn't live with him. You can come and live with us and come to us for absolutely anything and I can also promise you that we will keep fighting because we want you honey, we want you with us just as much as you want to stay here. I can't promise you that it'll all work out but I can promise to be there for you for the rest of your life. You will always have a family here and even if things don't go your way it's not too long till you're eighteen and then no one can ever tell you what to do."

"I used to dream of having a family and no longer being in the system." Callie admitted. "Now I just wish I was still a foster kid so that no one could come and claim me and take me away. When I got sent to Helen's I though I'd find this guy and he'd be more than happy to sign me away. I never imagined he'd be someone who'd want me and want to take me away from my family. Now I just wish I'd left it alone and continued to be a foster kid like I'd planned when the adoption was denied."

"You never know." Lena said. "We never expected them to take you away, even for a night. At least now we know you'll go to a home that will love and care for you and can provide you what you need. If you have to go I'd rather it be a place like that rather than a home like Helen's where you're locked up or even worse."

"At least for now I'm still here." Callie said, determined to enjoy every bit of it as she could. "She never knew when things would change."

"That you are." Lena smiled.

"Thanks." Callie said.

"For what?" Lena asked.

"Taking that chance." Callie answered. "Looking past the defenses."

"It wasn't hard." Lena answered. "We gained a lot from it too."

Callie smiled back as she snuggled into Lena's arms while Lena handed her the half full mug of milk.

"What's this?" Callie asked, taking it from her.

"Milk and honey." Lena answered. "My mother would give it to me when I couldn't sleep."

Callie smiled and took a sip, loving the fact that she was now the daughter that couldn't sleep with a mother to give her a mug of milk.

The two sat like that for a few more minutes until another pair of footsteps were heard on the steps.

* * *

><p>"There you are." Stef said entering the living room to find her wife and daughter curled up together. "What are you two doing up so late?"<p>

"We couldn't sleep." Callie answered, smiling at the fact that Stef had come looking for Lena.

"Milk and Honey huh?" Stef asked sitting down on the other side of Callie. "Mama's favorite."

Callie smiled up at Lena as Stef leaned into both of them to join the cuddle.

"It's late and a school night so I think you need to get back to bed." Stef said after a few minutes. "Come on, I'll tuck you in."

Lena took the mug back from Callie and went to rinse it out while Stef took their daughter upstairs and back to bed.

"Mama told me how supportive you've been this past week with the housework and letting her know what the kids were up to." Stef whispered to Callie just outside her door. "I know it wasn't easy for you either but I'm so proud of you. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Callie answered, hugging her mom, glad that she was back now.

"Get some sleep love." Stef said, pulling back the comforter for Callie to crawl in. She leaned down to give her daughter a kiss before heading back to her own room.

Soon Stef and Lena were both cuddled together, falling asleep in each other's arms just the way that they were meant to be.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

So that's the end of the entire story. I really hoped you liked it. Thanks again for all the reviews and PM's. I love getting them.

Happy New Year to all of you...

Love Junebug.


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